Kelly....

Five years ago I was a noob and felt much the same way. It took a while to become comfortable around here. I posted some, but wasn't "high profile". I went to a meet and greet close to my home and met a good cross section of folks. Some are still here, some have moved on for a number of reasons. That day started several friendships. One in particular was with a individual that had given me a rash of poo about something I said in one of my very first posts. I now consider him like the brother I never had. He could call me right now needing help and my truck would be pointed towards his location in less than 30 minutes.

Even after meeting folks that day and becoming more active on the boards, I still had the feeling that I was "just here" to many people. That was ok......heck I've never won a popularity contest in my life, nor do I intend to try.

When I rolled into Nashville for my first OUCH convention, I really didn't know what to expect. Some of the people I had met before would be there, but mostly it was to be a collection of folks that I "knew" but didn't really know. When I arrived I checked in and started searching for our group. The first person I found was someone that to my knowledge I hadn't spoke directly to before. I was shocked......after a big hug and a "I've been looking forward to meeting you." I was dragged  by the arm to where everyone was.....and didn't stop talking for 3 days. After that, I've felt at home here.

I guess the moral of the story is that people that have been around a while do notice newbies and in their own way accept them in without being as verbal about it as perhaps they should......until you meet them. I for one can't speak to everyone here like I'd wish to, but do reach out and offer help and friendship as much as possible. I think most everyone is that way....at least I hope they are.

Hope this in someway helps...

Bill

Kelly...
I set back and contemplated what you were saying..and it's true. Not on purpose mind you, but true non the less.

You are right..there are very strong relationships that have been bonded here and just like Bill said, much of that has come from the numerous meet and greets and OUCH conventions that we have attended.

When I came on years ago on the old board we had a chat room that most all of us used. We stll have one but it isn't used as much. Just by some. That helped us to bond even before we met.

There were not near as many new people coming on the board daily back then and fitting in was a little easier.

I don't know what the answer is. But I am sorry that you have been made to feel this way. The best thing that will ever happen to you is to start saving up for the next OUCH convention and I feel certain that you will come away feeling just like Bill described. I know I did as well and have not missed one since.

I noticed you live in the same state as Bill. Have Bill pick you up and come on over to St. Louis in January. You will meet many of us then.

Thanks for posting this.

Kelly, I'm not a "vet" in terms of being a CH.com alumnus (I think my title says I'm a vet?), but I've got a thought about your question.  I've been around and posting here since some time in 2006.  I have learned SO MUCH from this site and gotten a lot of support for myself and for Gary (Thank you DJ and Steph!!!!!!!)  

...But I've also gotten my share of shit - some of it I deserved.  Some of it I still don't think I did - BECAUSE people don't know me or Gary, and I don't owe anyone any explanations.  So I get stomped on, I take a break, I come back.  I always come back because Gary has a problem and docs haven't been able to find him any relief.  Yet.  And they're still calling it CH.  

Two-plus years later and I've connected with a few people, but CH.com isn't my "home."  Maybe that's because I haven't actually met anyone in person and I'm "just" a supporter.  Or perhaps it's because I only just recently started reading and posting in this, the general forum.  But because I've started participating here, I've added quite a few people (and families) to my "prayer list," and I really care about what happens to them, even though I don't know much about them beyond the trouble they've posted here.  But it's because I took the time to read, and my nature to care.  However, in any site that's dedicated to a topic that's been around for some time and has a "general posts" kind of forum, people are going know each other, be friends, or become friends, and as a newbie you have to be willing to just "jump in."  If it's too hot or too cold - either you adjust, you try again, or you get out.

For the people who come and go because it's hard to "break in" to that circle of friendship?  As you point out, it's not a social networking site.  It's here for people to learn and to share experiences.  If we're shy, it's not the board's responsibility to help pull us out of our shells.  If we're thin-skinned, it's our loss.  

Friendships form - from people meeting each other, from the conventions, from people reaching out to each other, from people connecting because they're like-minded, because they can tell they like someone from they way they post and what they say....  

You put yourself out there publicly, you subject yourself to public opinion - and either you have the personality to stand up to what comes or you don't.  There's absolutely nothing to do about "cliques" in a place where they exist simply because the sites have been around for a long time and people have had the chance to meet each other.  ...and I'm sure DJ and Steph do their absolute best to make sure that everyone gets treated fairly.  Because there was a problem, they enlisted the eyes of others.

IMO there isn't anything to do about people leaving because it's tough to make connections.  Maybe they should go to the O.U.C.H. convention!  But as you so aptly point out, the site is still here for us to learn from, whether we chose to participate or not.  

Laurie

laurie

thanks for insight

Linda-

I actually am not real sure how to take your post  .  I'll have to think more on that.    I am not interested in dressing , acting , talking etc like anyone  and if I perceived that that was what this board was all about all the time, not sure I'd be here as that would be pretty darn dull.  Not really my style either. 

Sure everyone comes in the beginning to be helped and many stay on to help.  But clearly it is more than that for some.. I don't expect anyone to apologize for that and I certainly wouldn't want anyone to think I have asked for an apology, because I haven't.

Its difficult to articulate  because its subtle  and its tough to nail down.   I'll think more on it and I have more insight I'll share.  Thank you for your response

Kelly

Kelly,

I'm glad you brought this up.  Not because I think you are "right" and we are "wrong", or vice versa, but so that we can clear the air a bit with you and with other newbies. 

first of all, a lot of times newbies post and are offended at the "tone" of the answers they get.  Understand that you are only looking at squiggly lines on a phosphor screen that are typed out quickly and must be abbreviated so as not to write a book.  You are NOT seeing body language, hearing tonal differences, hearing voice modulation that makes up over 85% of "verbal" communication.  What is written by one person can be totally misperceived by another due to cultural, language (dialect), or even misreading.  That is unfortunate, but one of the biggest differences we who have been here longer have over the newer person is that we have had the opportunity to read a lot of threads and posts by the other posters.  This gives us the opportunity to get to "know" them and what they mean when we read it.  That is one of the reasons it is suggested on the welcoming pages that you read for a bit before posting a lot.  this helps you get familiar with us.  By no means do I feel we are "cliquish".  I know it can feel that way at first, but I have learned over three times coming here that it isn't.  If you say or do something stupid you will get an equal opportunity chewing.  But at the same time if you participate in a constructive way you will get an equal opportunity welcoming.  It might not be overt, but it is there.

Secondly,  DO make the time to get together with another clusterhead, even if you have to drive across the state just to have coffee.  Even if for some reason you don't like the person you will develop a bond.  Also, the next time you read their post, even if you totally disagree with it, it will resonate with you.  The first time I ever met another clusterhead I drove 3 1/2 hours to sit down for 45 minutes with a bunch of crazy people at the first Davcon.  The first person I met was Thomas and he about broke my ribs with a hug and we both cried.  (Man tears )  Then I had to turn around and drive back.  It was three years before I was able to make another one, but I was homesick for that bunch the whole time, and can't wait to make it to St. Louis in Jan.  I may have to drive the 5 hours down and back the same day, but it is WORTH IT!

Hope this helps.  If it helps, PM me, and I'll give you my cell number and we can talk about it in person.

Jerry

This "newbie" feeling isn't new here.

The answers to my first couple of posts back in '99 were pounced upon by none other than Drummer (who we've been complimenting here tonight). I was totally crushed......thought I'd never post again.

After a couple of weeks reading the posts daily, I kind of got to know some of the personalities and bravely posted again.....and again.  I must have posted some good stuff because Drummer softened up.  I soon joined a committee, Drummer was President and we got to be very good buddies.

Drummer wasn't easy on newbies, but after my initial shock, I learned to love and respect him.

When he left, I was in mourning for sometime.

Jerry, you need to stop that now. You are starting to make my eyes run.

pubgirl wrote on Dec 4^th, 2008 at 11:32pm:


Thank you for your post wendy  and your thoughts too.   

If you are referring to the post to brian about verap and indomethicin-  I really don't think I was giving misinformation.  Sorry if you  thought you had to 'undo' something.  Its great though that you had something to add to enhance that thread though... 

Kelly

mezza wrote on Dec 4^th, 2008 at 11:41pm:


No Kelly - wasn't at all referring to that- I promise. That wasn't misinformation and I think your posts always seem very sensible to me (unlike mine sometimes!!)- I was thinking more of the new people who pile in and advise people to take their own personal "cure" in their first or second post. They are asking for trouble!!!

W

Callico wrote on Dec 4^th, 2008 at 11:43pm:


Jerry

See Kelly- it's true!

These bu**ers have run me off or pissed me off so badly I have deleted myself before- forgotten how many times.
I think there should be a "cooling off" period after you hit the "delete" button in total fury or if really upset, a bit like after you have ordered a kitchen, you get two weeks to change your mind and get a refund!!!

W

Mezza, It would be nice if there was a “are you sure you want to do this?” box to at least give ya a second or two to contemplate what you are about to do in the heat of the moment…Rolo…

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