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How poorly written is this letter? (Read 3540 times)
BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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How poorly written is this letter?
Dec 16th, 2008 at 3:44pm
 
Here is a letter from the cheef edumacator in my school district.  Here is a letter he wrote to parents.  I dont even do grammer too good, but damn, this is a friggin mess.

Quote:
An Open Letter to Parents and Staff:

As I write this letter on Tuesday morning, the sun is shining, the temperature an uncomfortable, but bearable, 25 degrees AND THE SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED.  I know that canceling school causes a number of ripple effects for your families and for the community.  Baby sitters to be found, personal plans to be changed, work schedules interrupted.  For this reason, we do not take the decision of closing schools lightly.

This has already been an extraordinary week, with snow, ice, and sustained below- freezing temperatures.  All indications are that we can expect more weather problems for the remainder of the week.  While we will make our decisions on a daily basis, there is a possibility that we will have to close schools for the rest of the week.  I say this only to ask you to begin making contingency plans for such an occurrence now.

Believe me when I say that we would much prefer to have school in session this week for a variety of reasons: (1) school is scheduled to be in session and teachers have lessons to teach; (2) with the holidays approaching there are countless concerts, celebrations, and community service activities scheduled; and (3) you as parents have your lives to live.

Important as all of these are, our first concern is with the safety and well-being of our students and our staff.  Most of the neighborhood streets and sidewalks in our district remain covered with ice.   This ice presents a threat to our buses (even with chains), our walkers, and our student drivers. Because of the sustained below-freezing temperatures, the ice is not melting, so every morning presents the same safety issues.  Add to this the reality that our school parking lots are also covered with ice and that many of our staff members are traveling from a distance, and we have the proper mix for school closure.

The school calendar provides for three emergency days each year that do not have to be made up.  Our calendar also calls for any days beyond three to be made up by extending the length of the school year in June.  While we are not there yet, I would ask that parents and staff not make vacation commitments for the week of June 15 because there is a good likelihood that we will be in school that week.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter.  The complexities of a 17,000 student school district are great enough under normal conditions without having to factor in our current weather events.  All this being said, please accept my wishes for an enjoyable holiday season.   Growing up in the Midwest, I used to believe that a snow storm was a necessary ingredient for the holidays.  Not so much anymore.

Sincerely,



Ron Naso
Superintendent




If my school district teaches our kids to write this well, we're fucked.

I find that 3rd paragraph outright insulting.  I think it typifies the mentality some people say the school districts have.  They have lost sight of LEARNING and THE KIDS, and are more concerned that TEACHERS have lessons to teach and there are concerts and festivals to attend....to....at.  
He doesnt mention a damn thing about KIDS LEARNING.  He makes no mention of teachers trying to contact parents by email with lessons, materials or instructions during this time.  

Is it me?  Am I asking for too much??
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Frank_W
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #1 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 3:56pm
 
I couldn't agree more. I get letters home from Julia's teachers all the time, and they are atrocious. If it's something that has to be signed and sent back, I swear to God, I make corrections in red pen. The Missus hates it when I do it, but I don't care. I'm sick it.  Angry
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tuck
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #2 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:00pm
 
Dude, I do agree with your comments regarding whats important to the school and their crooked views, but,,,,,,, for the life of me, I cant find one grammatical error, except maybe a missing comma or two. Correct me if I am missing something.   tuck
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Jimi
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #3 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:11pm
 
I guess I am just simple. I can't find anything wrong with it except the fact that he tried to explain every contingency that was on his mind and said more than was needed. But it would not have bothered me.
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Frank_W
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #4 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:14pm
 
Lots of particle sentences, run-on sentences, improper punctuation, and a generally disorganized and sprawling piece of writing. A copy of Strunk & White's, "Elements Of Style," would make a brilliant stocking stuffer for him.
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« Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:15pm by Frank_W »  

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tuck
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #5 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:22pm
 
The last thing I want to do is start an argument, but, after further reading of this letter , I cannot find ONE SINGLE error in it!!  NOT ONE. There is NO improper punctuation, and I have never heard of the terms, "particle sentence",or "run-on sentence". Group me with Jimi, I dont think its a bad letter at all, but ,  we live in a society that thinks that Steven King is a "good writer". !!    Tuck
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Frank_W
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #6 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:24pm
 
Personally, I think Stephen King is crap.
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Jimi
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #7 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:33pm
 
And remember I live in Kentucky so cut me some slack. Wink
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Frank_W
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #8 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 4:38pm
 
Upon reread, the letter really isn't as poorly written as I initially thought. There are a couple of incomplete sentences, but given the colloquial tone of the letter, they aren't hills worth dying on. I'm depressed and pissed at the weather, so don't mind me...

-The Grouch
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Mosaicwench
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #9 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:07pm
 
I won't comment on the letter structure, but I will on the content.  

Hasn't anyone there ever heard of road salt?  I know we had some good laughs on BMonee's thread about his weather, but I'm serious about this.  In this day and age a little road salt in a back room somewhere for just such a contingency makes sense.  

Ice goes away quickly when salted and then all is well!
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« Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:08pm by Mosaicwench »  

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fubar
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #10 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:27pm
 
It is not a well written letter, but is the guy an English teacher?

At least he used a spell checker (or more implausibly, knows how to spell.)

I've seen much worse from the teachers at my kid's high school.
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #11 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:42pm
 
The third sentence is an absolute mess.  Its been 15 years since I have studied language, but I do not believe that sentence has a subject or a verb. 

A few paragraphs down, he starts a sentence with Because.  I am not sure if that is technically incorrect, but it goes against every lesson I ever got taught to.   (<--------- I know you love that, Pat.)


And by the way, Pat, we don't use salt here.  You may think salt is an extremely cheap and effective way to protect humans or keep the economy going during storms, but it is bad for the salmon in our rivers.  No road salt is used in Oregon.

In fact, we do not use alternative de-icers either.  We do have some of those trucks that spray heated liquid, or steam or some sort of chemical on overpasses, but no de-icer is used even on the interstates or in the Cascade Mountain range.

Because half the city is shut down due to slick roads, the economy is taking a huge hit.  This 5 day ice storm probably was the final nail in the coffin for several retailers. 

But, its all worth it for the fishes.
Undecided
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seasonalboomer
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #12 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:42pm
 
He needs an editor - maybe not in the English department budget.

Also a sign that he doesn't truly believe a bit of what he wrote but argued with himself through the whole "memo".
Wink

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Pinkfloyd
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #13 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:45pm
 
The only punctuation I do well is punctuating a remark with a pointed finger, so...
The only part that got to me was the explanation, or apology really, that he knows the parents have lives to live, so pardon the interuption.....????
Excuse me but isn't taking care of one's own children a pretty damn big part of a parent's life? Even in the Great Northwest?

Schools all over America are trying to get the parents more involved in their children's schooling, and this guy is apologizing for asking them to be a little involved for a short period of time. Hell, it'll be raining there in no time Wink

Bobw
Portland doesn't do salt..they do chains!
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BMoneeTheMoneeMan
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #14 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:53pm
 
I got that too, Bob. 
He said the teachers have lessons to teach.  Parents have lives to live.  But he didnt say anything about kids got learnin to do.

It strikes me as the classic liberal/conservative argument about what the school's role in society is.  It's obvious what his opinion is and I don't like it.



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fdharden
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #15 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 6:23pm
 
Whew! Why the rancor? How many superintendents take the time to send "heads-up" letters to parents? The writing seemed well-worded to me, but I haven't processed it through my Manual of Style. I wonder what your expectations were--for the super to send you lesson plans for the down time? Perhaps you could send him a grammatically correct letter of thanks for his concern. Maybe it's not too late for him to learn.

Paco
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Melissa
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #16 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 6:38pm
 
IMO, I found nothing wrong with the letter.

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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #17 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 7:12pm
 
BMoneeTheMoneeMan wrote on Dec 16th, 2008 at 5:42pm:
And by the way, Pat, we don't use salt here.  You may think salt is an extremely cheap and effective way to protect humans or keep the economy going during storms, but it is bad for the salmon in our rivers.

In fact, we do not use alternative de-icers either.  We do have some of those trucks that spray heated liquid, or steam or some sort of chemical on overpasses, but no de-icer is used even on the interstates or in the Cascade Mountain range.

Because half the city is shut down due to slick roads, the economy is taking a huge hit.  
But, its all worth it for the fishes.
Undecided


You can bet your airports use de-icer.  They wouldn't have any flights in and out if they didn't.

I'm sorry (and please don't take this personally) that fish are more important than human safety and economy in that city.  Another retirement city crossed off my list.

(And I know all about taking on the superintendent.  Our home district's leader ceased taking my calls about 3 years ago. . . which is why we virtual school in another district.)

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« Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2008 at 7:22pm by Mosaicwench »  

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Bob P
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #18 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 7:16pm
 
Quote:
It strikes me as the classic liberal/conservative argument about what the school's role in society is.

To teach the kids how to pray of course!
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deltadarlin
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #19 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 7:49pm
 
Wouldn't it have been much easier to say,

Dear Parents
Due to inclement weather, the schools in the area are closed today.  Please pay attention to your morning news broadcast where you will find notification of  future school closures. 


You are right about the third sentence.  It is a fragment, and has neither a verb nor a noun.  This man does not come across as a someone who is an educational professional.
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #20 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 9:00pm
 
A couple of thoughts....

Are you sure he wrote it?   Maybe the public info officer or other district official  wrote it and he signed it.   Superintendents in large school systems delegate  a lot.... a whole lot..  Maybe not in this case? I have written letters for our superintendent and sent them on to him to sign.... However, we are expected to convey to the public perfectionism when it comes to written communication.. usually it works out  Undecided

As someone who is a district administrator for a large school district,(22000 students)  we have arguments on every side of an issue. Pretty much doesn't matter what the issue is.    For example,  just say teachers were to 'email' some suggested curriculum related activities that students could engage in-  for every parent that would be pleased,  we would have parents who would say the following:

a.  why can't you just let the kids be kids and give them a break
b.  What about the families that don't have access to email and therefore aren't given the opportunity to receive the suggested activities?
c.  Is this work going to count?   If so, why should it?  If not , why should my child be made asked to do work that won't count etc etc etc

School systems are interesting to say the least IMHO

Kelly
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #21 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 11:09pm
 
The letter is not so bad. I've gathered from your post that you are not at all pleased with the mans lack of enthusiasm for your child's education.

Why would you settle for less for your child? HOMESCHOOL!

with warm regards,
Tony
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« Last Edit: Dec 16th, 2008 at 11:10pm by Artonio »  

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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #22 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 11:23pm
 
deltadarlin wrote on Dec 16th, 2008 at 7:49pm:
Wouldn't it have been much easier to say,

Dear Parents
Due to inclement weather, the schools in the area are closed today.  Please pay attention to your morning news broadcast where you will find notification of  future school closures.  


You are right about the third sentence.  It is a fragment, and has neither a verb nor a noun.  This man does not come across as a someone who is an educational professional.

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Bingo!

It's redundant with too much "information." Oddly, compared to the junk I get now and then; it's readable.

A good letter is supposed to be no more than three paragraphs. Two is optimum.

Less is more.

Charlie
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #23 - Dec 16th, 2008 at 11:39pm
 
I've seen worse.  The letter just seems to have a bit of "all over the place" feel to it.  I've had CEO's and Presidents of companies I've worked for ask ME to write the letters instead. Undecided

Writing is not everybody's "Cup of Tea".

Langa
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Re: How poorly written is this letter?
Reply #24 - Dec 17th, 2008 at 9:49am
 
I saw nothing wrong with it per se`. He was trying to be proactive and inform everyone that school may be closed due to inclement weather. I taught high school for a few years and learned very quickly that no matter waht the decison not everyone will be pleased.
The maint point is safety of the children and then the staff because of weathter. That was lost in the holiday stuff, baby sitters, parties, etc.
MHO.
Jimmi may be from Kentucky but his eys aint too crossed!  Wink
TomM
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