After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to Target.   Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and  preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is
like most women -- she loved to browse.
   
   Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the
local Target.

    Dear Mrs. Ruthie:

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been  forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Jimi are  listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.
   
    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the women's restroom..

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
  voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
   
   5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
       M&M's on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets  from the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used
it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

   11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
   
    12.. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
   
     13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
   
    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,  he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES  AGAIN!'
   
    And last, but not least.
   
    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'


He'll miss Target, but he's  sure having fun at Walmart!!!

I can't go to Uncle Lee's any more either. You see, there was this incident involving the stuffed deer in the taxidermy dept. but I really don't want to go into it on here.

Suffice to say, Barb has a big mouth and Walmart loves me, so there.

If you weren't so cute, I'd kick your ass.

This thread made my day. Thanks.
TomM

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I wanna know what happened to the stuffed deer.

Best,

George

George wrote on Dec 19^th, 2008 at 12:36am: