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Diplomatic problem (Read 5089 times)

pubgirl

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Diplomatic problem
Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:32pm

Childless and rather odd older brother has ignored my polite suggestions for what to buy his nephew for Christmas (e.g. Wii games, books etc) and has just told me he has bought my 9 year old son some Tim Burton films for Christmas:

Namely:
Edward Scissorhands
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
Beetlejuice

Need the board diplomats' help on handling this one because unless I am going mad they are absolutely NOT ok for a child even if he thinks he is a teenager sometimes:

Scissorhands is too dark and he won't "get" the message anyway

Sleepy Hollow is terrifying, even for adults

Beetlejuice would be OK if it weren't for the fact that my kid can handle any kind of blood, guts and gore but he is scared of the dark and anything "scary or Ghosty or dead people"

aaarrrggghh!

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Frank_W CH.com Alumnus Offline BOHICA!!! Posts: 4213 Right behind you... Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #1 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:36pm Can you get the receipt and exchange them?
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pubgirl

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #2 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:49pm

That isn't the problem.

How do I tell him he is so way off that he has to change them.

Me and my bro' don't get on as you may have guessed.
He has no interest in his nephew, never speaks to him if he can help it and when he does, he talks AT him or criticises his behaviour.

as you may have guessed- diplomatic problem runs rather deeper than just a wrong choice of DVD (although I am baffled how he could have thought they were right!!!)

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Frank_W

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #3 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:54pm

I would just tell him that the movies are inappropriate for his age and level of acceptance. When all else fails, just be plain and blunt, is my advice. Couch it diplomatically... "I really appreciate the time you took to pick out a gift for him, but I don't think he's ready for these movies just yet. He hasn't seen ____ yet though, and he's been wanting to see it..." and go from there.

I can appreciate your position. Families are prickly things, aren't they?

« Last Edit: Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:55pm by Frank_W »

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pubgirl

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #4 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:59pm

Thanks Frank Kiss

I can be really tactful when I want to (don't laugh everyone here, I really can!) but my brother has such appalling relationships with pretty much everyone in the family that he takes offence really easily so I am paranoid.

Families at Christmas- aaaarrrrghhhh again, haven't even got together yet, THEN the feathers fly, and they ain't the turkey's!

W

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Frank_W CH.com Alumnus Offline BOHICA!!! Posts: 4213 Right behind you... Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #5 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:01pm Well, if you do your best and it still turns into an emotional punch-up, you can take comfort that you gave it your best shot. My family all lives in California and I live in Tennessee. Eh.. That's close enough! ((HUG)) Good luck!
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AussieBrian CH.com Hall of Famer Offline CH - It's all in your head! Posts: 3851 Cairns, Qld, Australia Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #6 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:04pm It's my guess he's well aware the films are inappropriate, Pubster, and this is his way of exercising control over you personally.
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pubgirl CH.com Hall of Famer Offline The next person who calls it a migraine eats teeth Posts: 693 x0\|London\|United_Kingdom\|\|0\|0\| Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #7 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:08pm Aussiebrian You are a psychic bastard because that is EXACTLY what I think so maybe I am not paranoid- just accurate!. Nobody could be that stupid. My brother is a wanker and he hates me (sad but true, he told everyone at the Christmas dinner table a few years ago, that WAS a fun year) Oh joy! Another Christmas looms W
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Frank_W CH.com Alumnus Offline BOHICA!!! Posts: 4213 Right behind you... Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #8 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:10pm Jeez.. What a bastard. In that case, don't say a word. Buy him "Stuart Little," "The Lion King," and, "Cinderella." Hrmph!
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pubgirl

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #9 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:15pm

Frank

I am afraid he IS a bastard, but we all humour him for my Mum and Dad's sake.
Christmas is very stressful as a result.

We and my other brother (who loathes him too and who I get on very well with) usually avoid him for most of the year.

The dark side of Christmas, sorry, but it is bad when a kid is involved

W

P.S. Your suggestions aren't bad enough Grin

« Last Edit: Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:16pm by pubgirl »

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Rolomatic Ex Member	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #10 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:21pm Wendy, Get your brother some playdough and an E-Z bake oven for charismas… Add a note in his card to remind him to have an adult insert the 100 watt bulb in the oven. Rolo…
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thebbz Ex Member	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #11 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:24pm Sorry to butt in. just a suggestion...tell him if he cant buy appropriate gifts, piss off. You can pick your friends but not your family. all the best She said wanker...he.he...hee the bb
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Frank_W CH.com Alumnus Offline BOHICA!!! Posts: 4213 Right behind you... Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #12 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:27pm If that's the case, why bother trying to get along with him? His gift is inappropriate. Tell him so. If he gets all bent out of shape, it's not your problem, and the rest of the family knows that you aren't the one to blame. I could offer some really nasty gift suggestions, but I'm trying to behave. Heh...
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pubgirl

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #13 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:35pm

Kind of vainly hoped someone might have a magic answer.

I know there isn't one as Christmas means ALL the family or none.

None is looking very good at the moment, especially to my poor, long suffering husband who isn't even related!

Awful thing to say but when my Mum and Dad are gone, it will be much simpler as I will have precisely no reason whatever to see him ever again and my other brother has already said that he personally will end all contact.

Sorry folks- I am a very honest person and usually tell it how it is, but this is the one thing I CAN'T do here. Hence the need for a magic answer.

W

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Frank_W

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #14 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:38pm

I have an older sister from whom I've been estranged for 17 years, and I don't care to ever see her again. When she wanted something from me, she was as sweet as pie, but as soon as she got whatever she wanted, I could count on her to go right back to being vicious, cruel, jealous, petty, and... monstrous. Hard to believe we grew up under the same roof... So yeah, I fully understand.

« Last Edit: Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:38pm by Frank_W »

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pubgirl CH.com Hall of Famer Offline The next person who calls it a migraine eats teeth Posts: 693 x0\|London\|United_Kingdom\|\|0\|0\| Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #15 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:42pm Frank I'm hanging in there by my fingernails sometimes and mouth . Christmas shouldn't be dreaded but I do. For my son's sake we will be very jolly Thanks for all your help. Will politely suggest brother changes DVDs or gives them to me as I don't have them - how's that? W
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thebbz Ex Member	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #16 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:44pm Sorry dear, sometimes there is no magic answer. Matters of the heart are so tough, I hate it for you. Reason and logic are you best bet. You and your brother have a connection...use it. Wished I could help more. the bb
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pubgirl CH.com Hall of Famer Offline The next person who calls it a migraine eats teeth Posts: 693 x0\|London\|United_Kingdom\|\|0\|0\| Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #17 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:45pm Quote: Sorry dear, sometimes there is no magic answer. Matters of the heart are so tough, I hate it for you. Reason and logic are you best bet. You and your brother have a connection...use it. Wished I could help more. the bb Connection? We have the same parents. "Period" as you Yanks would say
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Frank_W CH.com Alumnus Offline BOHICA!!! Posts: 4213 Right behind you... Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #18 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:58pm pubgirl wrote on Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:42pm: Will politely suggest brother changes DVDs or gives them to me as I don't have them - how's that? There's your magic answer! ((HUG))
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pubgirl

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Re: Diplomatic problem
Reply #19 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 10:44pm

This thread has done more than the words might say.

Bless the person here Kiss

who has suggested something I had slightly suspected about the "unwellness" of my bro' which may help me at least understand the why of this.

Not a secret at all, just not relevant to everyone and may be a wrong theory.

Am off to do some reading and try and learn some more

Thanks again all

Love

W

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BMoneeTheMoneeMan CH.com Alumnus Offline In remembrance of KingCazman. RIP Posts: 2674 Portland, OR	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #20 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 10:51pm There is a sequel to the Lion King that just came out. It's called the Liein' Bastard. U should get that
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pubgirl CH.com Hall of Famer Offline The next person who calls it a migraine eats teeth Posts: 693 x0\|London\|United_Kingdom\|\|0\|0\| Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #21 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 11:02pm Am thinking more along the lines of Polar Express
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Charlie CH.com Alumnus Offline Happy to be here Posts: 18971 Jamestown, NY Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #22 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 11:28pm Dammit. What's wrong with buying some silly, fun or even stupid films this time of year? Some really dumb comedies or not very demanding adventures would work for me. I think you'll do okay but add in something that won't require much attention to enjoy. The world is dark enough. Charlie
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Kevin_M CH.com Sponsor Offline withered branches grow green again. Posts: 8754 Michigan, USA Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #23 - Dec 18^th, 2008 at 7:02am I'm not so diplomatic but it sounds like brother is a Tim Burton fan. The first two Batmans were Tim Burton's, if it's not too late to suggest these instead, they seem like movies that could be compromising terms you could watch with your son.
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seasonalboomer CH.com Hall of Famer Offline CH messes with my isness Posts: 2517 Charlotte, NC Gender:	Re: Diplomatic problem Reply #24 - Dec 18^th, 2008 at 7:14am Buy him, unbeknownst, a daily wake-up call service about n hour before he would regularly like to wake up..... Give him a card that simply says, "May your days begin with Joy in the New Year" Scott
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