I'd probably do or say nothing.  He may just be looking for a reaction form you.  Sounds like he's a wart hog and constantly looking to stir the pot....especially where you are concerned.  Give him no dialogue and he'll probably be terribly disappointed.  I'd probably be as gracious as possible, thank him kindly and give him a hug...hoping all the while he'd have to go change his messed britches....

Take the gift and put it away, trade it, sell it or trash it.

Much Love,
Jackie

Thanks everyone

The kindly and polite variations on a "do nothing" look the safest under the circumstances with a very volatile and explosive character who is quite capable of ruining everyone's Christmas without seeming to notice or care (I'm not exaggerating, he has done it before on at least 3 previous Christmases)

My son sees him as an irrelevance to his life so he will not be too upset I don't think. Just cross with us when we won't let him watch them!


So bloody tempting one day to have the showdown my brother deserves but we haven't yet in 47 years and that day is certainly not  Christmas Day

As you say Nani, unless he gets help he won't change and he never would get help as he thinks he is right about everything in the world and it is everyone else with a problem!

You will love this quote from an email from him yesterday: I had said "You may be right" about somethig and his response was ""I expect you're right": isn't that like saying "I expect the sun to
rise tomorrow"? (he wasn't joking!)

I DON'T have a hope there do I?

Your brother sounds like a total A$$HOLE... why in the name of god would you allow him to even come near your son, let alone offer your son gifts.

I would tell the jerk wad that the only thing you want him to give your son is a great deal of distance between the two of them.


Happy holidays!

with warm regards,
Tony

pubgirl wrote on Dec 17^th, 2008 at 8:59pm:

This is HIS problem!  Be direct, polite and honest with him and let him shoulder the burden.  Why should you have to be put in a difficult position for his inability to get along with his family?

-P.

My suggestions are

1. If you open presents altogether, ie whole family together then if you can't change things is to let the short kiddo have his present from uncle early on in the proceedings. That way, you can discreetly remove them and hide them and no one is any the wiser.

2. If you open pressies at home, just you, Big Al and  then buy some different DVD's and give them to him instead. Then he can just say thank you for the DVD's and that be the end of it

It's fraught with stress no matter which way you look at it. Christmas and families always seems to come with a very short fuse and a LOT of gunpowder!

Quote:



I agree really Shawn, it isn't cold-hearted, just sensible. I have almost nothing to do with him most of the time now. When my mother dies I decided long ago that I would have no more to do with him and neither will my other brother, but I just can't bring myself to do it now for her sake. She has always been a perfect Mum to me but has lived her life in a rosy bubble, mostly blinding herself to what is obvious to everyone else about him. My parents sent him to a Harley Street psychologist once in his 20's when he had one of his "breakdowns" but he wasn't prepare to "join in" so it was useless.

She is too old to handle it now.

Simple as that really.

If it were just me, I would have ended contact many years ago without a backward glance and I may still do this if it gets out of control.

We are all in Scotland together this year (we have our own space though in an annexe, thank God!), but if he causes trouble it WILL be the last time I inflict him on my long suffering Big Al and George at Christmas.

Thanks for all the help everyone. So sad that Christmas brings stuff like this up when it should be something to look forward to. We will make sure George has the best time and sod everyone else

W