Okay, I just want to cry for a minute here...I think the CH is over, but it's left me hypersensitive to nasty, all-day-long migraines from hell...

It all hit in the middle of my first full semester back at college, too late to drop, and I'm STILL scrambling to get the last projects finished so I can move on...it's been hell trying to do this stuff with this pain, and meds don't help, and a 5-yr-old...I'm f#@ing exhausted.  I even broke down and cried on the phone to a professor- I NEVER cry in front of people.

So now I'm sick with a nasty sinus infection, too, and physically and mentally wiped out- not to mention coming to terms with a diagnosis of a life-long pain ride...

But my man is no help lately.  I can't blame him at all for being overwhelmed with this; but, damn, he's getting these debilitating panic attacks now, that keep him in bed all day- JUST when I need him the most!!!  And I am angry!!  I mean, jesus, "I" am the one with a crushing disease, and HE'S curled up in bed hyperventilating!!!  It's not fair! 
And I can't even confide in him anymore, because it's so upsetting to him- so I have to keep it all to myself and just cry in my bathroom.  And when he's upset, he gets sullen and withdrawn, so he mopes around the house looking like he's sick of me.  I just about can't take it anymore!!!  He swears he's not upset with me, but LOOKS and SOUNDS like he is...

And I just had another fight on the phone with my mother, the most unsupportive person on earth, who ends up yelling at me because I make things so difficult for HER (because she freaks out about every little detail, and get worked up over stupid internet myths and bogus science, and if I dare disagree with her she blows up at me.)

I really do have no one but you guys.  No one really gives me credit for what I'm going through.  It's all just pop some pills, take a night off, and get back to work.

The light is always on in Clusterville, and you can talk to us anytime you need too, or just want a friend, we are here.

Very, very frustrating trying to explain to someone what we have, most just don't "get it". Outside this site I have a few wonderful supporters. My wife Angie, her brother and her dad, and my main dude would be my neuro. My mom cares but has never seen me hit and I do not want her to at her age now. She always ask's how are my headaches and I reply with a hug and tell her "I am ok, really! Don't worry"

My workplace, forget it. I am so fortunate not to have daytime hits, with a couple of exceptions, so they have not seen me doing the dance. I live 2 minutes between my work and home so I just say " I have to go right now" and my boss says go! No problem, so that is cool! Home to the mother ship of o2!!!

Sorry for what you are going through, and hope we can help steer you in the right direction to get some PF time!!!

  Barry

Yes! Exactly!  You just can't explain this to someone...I'm either getting treated like I'm some fragile thing that just can't handle real life or I get blown off as a nut.  My mom somehow manages to get mad at me for it... she blames it on going back to school (she's in the "fragile" mindset) and does an "i told you so" and then goes on a tirade about how I should have gotten on insurance, that would have prevented this...

And people don't understand how debilitating this is on a daily basis...migraine?  a normal migraine, yes, I can "work" through it.  but CH, and these "supermigraines" keep me completely out.

As for meds, I've tried everything for the migraines and nothing but the Floricet helps, and I'm using that as little as possible. I'm sure part of it is that I'm exhausted.  I'm really hoping that this break will be restful for me.  As for my dude, he refuses to see a doctor...he does see a therapist, but the guy told him "it's probably just stress" and gave him some frikkin' breathing exercises to do and sent him on his merry way. 

Thanks, guys, I feel better just having it validated that I'm not just a whiny little bitch about CH...that it really is THAT BAD.  I want my street creds, you know?! 

Well that just all sucks.    You're not imagining things - there isn't anything worse than that pain.  

We have problems with Gary's mom - it's the same thing.  It's all about her.  We know that mom.  So more  

Hate to ask it - but have you given the "Colleague" letter to your family?  Didn't help with the moms, but it definitely helped with friends.

It's stickied up at the top of the getting to know you forum.

 Hang in there.

Laurie

Thanks, y'all.  I think "that just all sucks" is the best thing to say.    My dude and I had a nice talk today...he feels very sorry for how he's acted, and explained that he's just panicked at not knowing how to help me or what to say, but he's getting a better handle on it, and he feels more prepared for next time- and also that he's not going anywhere on me. 

He told me he's been trolling around here a bit, and that he's going to start reading the "supporters" thread...hopefully that will help him not feel so responsible for how I feel, or like he's supposed to take away my pain or something...

I told him, "I'm NOT fragile. I've been through natural childbirth and five broken noses. I'm one tough bitch.  Don't worry about me handling the pain; just help me not be burdened by everything else on top of this."  I think he got it.  and he said that the whole time, he's been very proud of me, and he's never once thought of leaving me because of this. 

It was also very tough on both of us at the beginning, because for the first several months I hadn't been diagnosed- I was just bit-by-bit getting more cranky and bitchy for no apparent reason (just like his first wife, hehe.)

Now I just wish I could get my professors to understand what I've been going through.  I busted my ass the first half of the semester, before it got intolerable, and got all A's on everything...in one class, I have an A on every single test and paper;  I have one paper left to write, and I asked him for an I;  He emails me back and says to just turn in the paper next semester and he'll go ahead and put me down for a B.  A "B"!!!!  Man, fu@k a B!!!!  I got A's on EVERYTHING!!!!  I got a DISEASE!!!  I don't deserve a "B"!!!!!   it's not fair.  But I guess I should just take the damn B and be grateful.  *sigh*

Thanks for listening, y'all.  I'm hoping that next time I'll be more prepared and it won't be so stressful.  Oh, and my name is actually Paige, hehe...I don't always remember to "sign" my posts... but I'm kinda liking being called Radar, too...I've never had a nickname before! 

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Thanks Rolo.  By the time I wrote the note I forgot Radar said she thought she was out of cycle and the problem now was migraines.  Still a bitch, of course.

Radar - hope your dude decides to register.  Venting helps supporters too.  I know. 

And go talk to that Professor.  I don't think you deserve that B either.



Laurie