Hi guys,

as you know, I'm single - once again.

In many ways I'm ready to meet new people and date again, but then I recall what it also means: new people who have never heard about ch. And, right now, that ídea scares the hell out of me.

Naturally I love to tell new people all about ch, you know, raise the awareness. But it's bit different when romantic feelings are involved... and it wasn't that long time ago when someone new run to the other direction after the word "pain" was mentioned - I don't want to think what he would have thought if I had told him more.

And it wasn't that long time ago, either, when someone I then loved and cared about showed during the roughest hour of my last cycle how little he cared about my suffering and how little he was willing to do to help - a complitely opposite story to the same person's behaviour on the cycles before.

So... yeah, I'm bit terrified. In the past, I've told them in the beginning about ch, so they can vanish before I'll get hurt. And then, hopefully, the good ones will remain and I will have to take that chance that they, too, will turn their backs on me when I'll need them the most...  It's not a pretty picture.

I'm not in cycle right now, so it's much easier to "forget" that the beast is part of my life some day again. But what comes to love and relationships, I can't ignore it.

But, still, I want to love again. And I will. At this point, I just keep on thinking that there's a good reason why there's been said "In sickness and in health" part in the wedding vows and part of me wonders if that will ever happen...

Sanna

Thank you for the hug, Mel!


Sanna

Perhaps it's the gender perspective but I've found prospective gf's to be more intrigued by the condition than scared of it. Now, once they witness a hit or two I can usually see the sunshine hitting their faces but not so much that they'd leave due to inability to cope.

They're out there--the decent ones who accept you for all that remarkable stuff that makes up Sanna....your job is to find them! And toward that end, I wish you the best of luck and serendipitous fortune.

nots

I promise there are those of us out there with the heart and soul to care no matter what the affliction.

I feel blessed everyday that my BF took the risk to tell me about CH. Not only did I get the chance to become that much closer to him, but I also had to opportunity to learn about such a wonderfully strong and caring bunch of people!

We can send you cyber hugs till you find someone!

Best of luck,
Minxy

Sanna sweetie... just be yourself. Everything else will just fall into place as far as the relationships go.


with warm regards,
Tony

Sanna:

Tony is right.  Just be yourself.  Someone has to see past the surface to form a "real" relationship anyway.  If they cannot accept one aspect of you, then they're not the right person anyway.

You are so kind, there has to be someone who's right for you.  Just take your time!

Wishing you the best,

Ray

Thank you all so much for your great posts! And hugs! Some made me laugh, which is exactly what the doctor ordered.

And I plan to be the one I am, at all times. Right now it's been hard (harder than what I thought) to figure out what role ch plays in my future relationships. It's not a question of to tell or not to tell but when to tell and I'm still not sure about that one. But perhaps this time I'll listen to you and wait before I'll mention anything about ch.

Why to rush, after all the beast is in remission, so there's no pressing reason to mention about it. Ch can be quite a lot to take... I am a clusterhead, but not a ch victim. It is part of me, part of my life, but it doesn't define me.  

Sanna

Sanna,

After my divorce,  when I was asked out ...on the very first date I told them about my CH and that I was chronic.  I explained a little bit about what I go through also.   If a guy is gonna bail, I wanted to know right away so as not to waste my time, or his.  I also wanted to know what kind of a person he was.  Anyone who backs away from a relationship because of CH isn't someone I want in my life in the first place.

I didn't know you and Timo broke up.  I'm so sorry.


Linda

phil_h wrote on Dec 30^th, 2008 at 8:41pm:

I kissed 52, LOL

Phil is right Sanna, and very smart.

This is all kind of ironic because Feb. 2nd you pm'd me concerning dating. I was rereading your advice and one of the things that you said is not to look for a relationship but look for friendship first. Lisa got involved this summer in a really sweet relationship. Like Phil said, some realtionships weren't made to last and they ended it in Oct.. She told him about her CH and had a few shadows. He was very empathetic but in the end they were both too busy to get involved and didn't have alot in common. The CH isn't what ended their relationship. It was a good practice relationship though and helped her develop confidence.

I am so sorry for your breakup but as so many have said you have so much to offer and are one of the sweetest most gentle people.

(((HUGS)))

Charlotte

Hey Sanna,

I would like to share with you another perspective.

I loved and cared for and supported a clusterhead. I went through hell and back with him. I gave him everything I had and more. Never once did I think of leaving or giving up.

In the end, he gave up on himself and therefore, on us.

No matter what we do, people will make their own choices and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. So just be yourself, enjoy your friends and love with all of your heart, but be at peace that sometimes things go the way you want, and some other times they dont.

Thats life !

Love ya lots 

Thank you, Linda.

Let's see now, how many frogs guys I need to kiss before finding someone great...

Lizzie, some are unbelivable - and not in a good way!

Cyn, I have added "attend OUCH convetion" to my "Things I Plan to Accomplish" list. And you're absolutely right; having another CHer as a partner would make things easier. Let's just see now what the future holds...

Charlie, that is a good point: I do want to be honest about ch, but still not to make it sound TOO huge thing. Nor too huge chunk of my life.

Charlotte, I was thinking about you and Lisa and the things we wrote about back then. In so many ways I still feel that way. Just that what I went through - that emotional hell - with my ex made me wonder if I did the right choises ch/relationship - wise.
I don't believe in regrets or whatifs, I just wonder now, if I should be as honest as quickly or not.

Thank you all so much for your experiences, advices and wonderful words! I probably should copy all of them and re-read them before my next date. It might be quite soon...

Sanna