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I don't understand some people... (Read 3629 times)

Melissa

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I don't understand some people...
Jan 12^th, 2009 at 3:28pm

Question, if you had the chance to apologize to someone you had said some mean things to that you regret which happened 17 years ago, would you do it? How would you feel afterwards if, after saying your sorry, they said to you...

Quote:

Oh my god, that was so long ago....who cares!

...and that is ALL they had to say in reply?

I have a feeling I'm way too fucking nice for my own good. Embarrassed

(btw, this person was way worse to me than I was to them)

« Last Edit: Jan 12^th, 2009 at 3:55pm by Melissa »

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel

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Jeannie

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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #1 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 3:36pm

Awww Mel,

It sounds as if you put your heart out there and it got stepped on. It would appear that you are just a kinder soul than the person of which you speak. Just remember that you did the right thing. That's all that matters. It is that person's loss if they don't see the value in what you did. I'm sorry you were treated badly by that person back then and now. Smiley

Jeannie

« Last Edit: Jan 12^th, 2009 at 4:11pm by Jeannie »

"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney

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Frank_W CH.com Alumnus Offline BOHICA!!! Posts: 4213 Right behind you... Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #2 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 3:54pm People have forgotten what it means to be gracious, modest, and to have some humility or basic manners. So sorry that they were insensitive and rude to you, Mel. They will reap what they have sown. "The best revenge is living well." Be good to yourself.
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midwestbeth CH.com Sponsor Offline Posts: 1123 Edwardsville, IL Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #3 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 4:10pm Sounds like maybe that person said that to excuse their own past bad behavior........after all it was 17 years ago, it shouldn't matter anymore.......past rude behavior doesn't expire over time. You got the chance and did good Mel. That says alot about the type of person you are. Beth
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Jimi CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't feed the moderators Posts: 4925 Madisonville, KY Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #4 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 4:27pm Thats right. Never apologize for doing the right thing. You apologized for your part so you are released from that now. Their response makes no difference. You took the high road. Thats what makes you....you. And what makes you special to those that count you as their friend.
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Frank_W

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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #5 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 4:33pm

Jimi wrote on Jan 12^th, 2009 at 4:27pm:

Thats right. Never apologize for doing the right thing. You apologized for your part so you are released from that now. Their response makes no difference.

You took the high road. Thats what makes you....you. And what makes you special to those that count you as their friend.

^^^THIS!!

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Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #6 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 5:01pm You guys are so sweet! Thank you!
Back to top	Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel IP Logged

Bob P CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Shut up Bob! Posts: 4573 Clio,California Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #7 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 5:31pm There's an organization that refers to this as cleaning your side of the street. Offer amends to someone you've offended. It doesn't matter if they accept or not. The garbage is cleaned from your side of the street. Enjoy walking on that clean sidewalk.
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Marc Ex Member Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #8 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 5:33pm Bob offers some pretty good wisdom for an old guy You did it, that's what counts.
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Guiseppi

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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #9 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 6:00pm

I had a slightly different take.......I get a little embarrassed and word strung when someone apologizes to me........it wouldn't suprise me if the first thing outta my mouth was something dumb like ..."hell that was 10 years ago, forget about it!"

I do like Bob's analogy a lot......your sidealk is clean, it's all YOU have control over, it's all YOU should worry about! Love ya!

Joe

"Somebody had to say it" is usually a piss poor excuse to be mean.

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flipperlips CH.com Alumnus Offline Live, Laugh, Love Posts: 935 Mcallen, TX Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #10 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 6:51pm Mel don't ever stop being the sweetie that you are. Good for you for taking the high road and apologizing to that person. Remember you are the bigger person for offering that apology.
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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #11 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 6:56pm

Guiseppi wrote on Jan 12^th, 2009 at 6:00pm:

I'm with Joe, I would've thought all was well, it was 10 years ago, no hard feelings??

Any I LOVE Bob's analogy. I think I'm going to copy it and post it in my classroom!

Charlotte

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Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #12 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 6:59pm I dunno, maybe I was expecting a thank you, or a "that's ok, I'm sorry too" kinda thing. No matter, I did it and I'm glad I did. Water under the bridge now.
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Garys_Girl CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Making biscuits Posts: 821 Planet Cat, NJ Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #13 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 7:12pm A "Thanks, I'm sorry too" would have been nice.... but perhaps now you know what part of the problem was! I love Bob's analogy! Combining the two... You're a beautiful wonderful person walking on a clean sidewalk over the bridge! Laurie
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Jackie CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Go For It!!! Posts: 5903 Goshen, IN Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #14 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 7:15pm You did what you felt you needed to, Mel. It was the right thing for you. To bad there are so few gracious people left in the world. There's no excuse for bad manners.....period! Love ya, Jackie
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Linda_Howell CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Do not feed the Moderators Posts: 11927 Santa Maria, Ca. Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #15 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 7:43pm Quote: I get a little embarrassed and word strung when someone apologizes to me.... Joe, I am so sorry that I took that picture of you climbing a tree while we were in San Diego. Do you forgive me? Mel....Jimi is right. YOU took the high road.
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Guiseppi CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline San Diego to Florida 05-16-2011 Posts: 12063 SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA USA Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #16 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 8:30pm Joe, I am so sorry that I took that picture of you climbing a tree while we were in San Diego. Do you forgive me? I won Da@@it I won! I beat a girl!!!!!!....(dang that sounded dumb huh... ) Joe
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fubar

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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #17 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 8:46pm

Mel,

I would have said the same thing (sorry). It's just a natural reaction to tell the person who is apologizing that they shouldn't have felt bad about it for that long... no big deal. From my viewpoint, saying 'Thank you for apologizing' is basically saying 'Yes, I've been waiting for you to apologize for 17 years, so thank you for finally taking that burden off me'. I don't think the response was out of line the way you described it.

You did the right thing, and I'm sure the other person probably thinks they responded properly. In fact, I bet they would think you're a nut if you told them you were upset at their response.

'Course we KNOW you're a nut.

-Shawn

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barry_sword CH.com Alumnus Offline Mountain Biking Keeps Me Sane Posts: 3947 Bracebridge, Canada Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #18 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 9:04pm I would move on, you did all you can and do not lower your self to that persons level ever again.
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Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #19 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 9:27pm Well, now that I feel like a complete heel, I'm over it!!!! Thx for the opinions, I see both sides now. Carry on, nothing to see here!
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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #20 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 9:56pm

Maybe I'm fussy, but I think a sincere apology is a thing of beauty - mainly because a sincere apology is so rare these days (I'm not dissing you Mel, I was just ruminating on the nature of apologies).

How many times have you heard "I'm sorry if I hurt you." That's not an apology - that's someone fishing around trying to find out what's bugging you. They're willing to speak a phrase that sounds like an apology, but they have no idea if it's appropriate.

Or "I'm sorry your feelings were hurt" - which, in my estimation is akin to saying "toughen up buttercup - you're too sensitive."

Why is the emphasis on the injured party being in the wrong? My teenager shouts the word "Sorry" so eloquently that you can read this entire phrase into one word: "God, the only way I will get some peace around here is if I apologize." And then as loud as he can . . . . ."Sorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!" It's about as insincere as it gets.

What ever happened to a simple "I'm sorry. I was out of line. I never should have said/done that, and I'll try not to do/say it again"?? The emphasis is on the perpetrator, not the victim. That's what an apology is all about, IMHO.

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Charlie CH.com Alumnus Offline Happy to be here Posts: 18971 Jamestown, NY Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #21 - Jan 12^th, 2009 at 11:05pm Feel good about yourself. You did the right thing. Venting here seems right too. Charlie
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Bob P CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Shut up Bob! Posts: 4573 Clio,California Gender:	Re: I don't understand some people... Reply #22 - Jan 13^th, 2009 at 7:25am Quote: I LOVE Bob's analogy Just so Paco doesn't have a hissy fit about plagerism, the analogy comes from the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. It's one of the 12 steps.
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Melissa

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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #23 - Jan 13^th, 2009 at 8:48am

Oh good grief. Here is the full context of what I had wrote, and I'm sure it sounds completely stupid and unimportant, but I wrote it not because of how "I" felt when it happened, but how I thought "she" felt when it happened. That is what haunted me for all these years. I know what it feels like to have all eyes upon you and be embarrassed so badly that you are afraid to show your face around anyone you know.

Anyway, here it is:

Quote:

As I had written, you didn't like me at the end of our senior year in H.S. because I dated Rick. That definitely wasn't a fun time and I said a few things to you that were mean and I am apologizing for them now.

So, as I said, I hope life is treating you good and I hope you are happy.

melissa

Now is that so bad? Maybe some here thought it wasn't necessary, but I did. And now that I've asked for opinions, I understand why she responded the way she did. I also see from her response that she hasn't changed much. She obviously must have forgotten that she did the same to me plus egg my parents house and put sugar in the gas tanks. Undecided

Whatever. It's years ago, over and done with and I closed my chapter on it. I feel much better now that I did it and I move on, like with everything else.

Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel

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Louise Barham

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Re: I don't understand some people...
Reply #24 - Jan 13^th, 2009 at 9:16am

All I can say is that I can not wait to meet this wonderful group of people. This board just goes to show the HUGE hearts that abound in this group. Maybe it is the beast that puts this attitude out there. Adam and I cannot WAIT until the convention. After meeting Chuck, Bill, Scott & Kelly we are anxious to get to know some more of you.

Keep up the kind thoughts.

Louise

Louise&&Mother of CH son

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