Frozen Flatulence
A Metaphor for Carbon Tax Credits
As if the unimaginable expense of Universal Heath Care and an egregious level of liberal led deficit spending on other social re-engineering legislation both past and pending that will clearly bankrupt not only the Federal government, but also the people of the United States who must pay for it, were not enough...  please allow me to point out the penultimate example of disdain and disregard the liberals hold for the oaths of office they took and the Constitution of the United States which they have sworn to defend and protect...  

I need only cite the possibility of trading frozen flatulence as a metaphor to illustrate yet another obscenely moronic appropriation swindle this administration and the liberal led Congress will use to fleece the people, Carbon Tax Credits.

The vapid nature of trading carbon tax credits as proposed by the Marxist trained community organizer in the White House and eagerly supported by the liberal elite leadership in Congress under the legislative title of "Cap in Trade," signals a potential for Ponzi Schemes of epic proportions.  

In as much as fundamental logic has failed to awaken the public to the fact that a Marxist trained, teleprompter reading idiot in the White House and an out of control liberal led Congress have already destroyed more wealth in a few months than in the history of this great Nation, and that they’re now hell-bent on destroying the rest of our life savings and the economy with more spending, perhaps the following attempt at framing this tragic situation with humor will help.

Standing around and complaining is no longer an option…

Being advanced in years and growing ever more proficient in generating copious volumes of greenhouse gases, I found the promise of creating wealth from the very greenhouse gases I do not emit... a most fascinating concept and opportunity…  The question of how to do this efficiently was obviously a simple matter of physics.

This also posed another vexing problem of how best to accomplish this feat and still turn a profit.  My first, and rather sophomoric thought, was to ignite these issuances as a means of concealing their existence...  and then I recalled this often led to a very visual manifestation easily detected by others, followed by the potential for a painfully searing blow back and residual backfire...   Accordingly, I elected to pursue a more studied approach.

That approach involved a process that enabled the capture, containment, and packaging of the flatulence so as to prevent it's escape into the atmosphere, yet still allow it to be traded as a commodity before it could sublime into a convulsive eye watering miasma.

After a perusal of the gas laws, it became apparent that lowering the temperature of flatulence to the point of liquefaction while compressing it further to solidification was the obvious process to follow.  However, upon further analysis, it became apparent that although the thermodynamics and expense of solidification were reasonable, the expense of continued storage at these reduced temperatures before trading would exceed the profit margin.

This led me to a hybrid approach every bit as deceptive and devious as the stimulus legislation passed by the liberal led Congress without reading, and signed into law by the Marxist trained community organizer in the White House without public discourse.

Once in a solid state and thus immune to the metal detectors used to screen visitors to Congress, and further owing to an expansion ratio of over a 1000 to 1 as it changed state from a solid to a gas, the solidified flatulence could be easily pedaled to visitors to Congress as styrofoam encased icons of liberalism in the form of busts of Obama, Pelosi, and Reid.  Once inside the Congressional galleries, sublimation would ensue and the resultant vapors would be indistinguishable from the voluminous and odoriferous outgassing emitted by the liberal members of Congress.

This process would enable me to collect the fullest value of my issuance as a true carbon tax credit… and our liberal led gaggle of lawmakers would be none the wiser…  After all, passing before reading appears to have become the norm in Congress regardless of its un-constitutionality or the fact that it represents a clear violation of their oath of office.

© 2009 The Patriot Curmudgeon