Well, being the proper southern lady that you are, I know you would not be rude about it ...  You would probably say "Why bless your heart ..." before you filled that heart with 40 cal holes ...

Right?

Chuck, who understands the charming sweet southern belles ...

The Difference Between Democrats and Republicans:

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

Republicans consume three-fourths of all the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

Democrats believe in the theory of evolution. Republicans think it is demeaning to believe that we evolved from monkeys, yet they believe that 6000 years ago, humans arose from a lump of mud.

Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don't.

Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper. Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.

Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians, and eyebrows. Democrats raise Airedales, kids, and taxes.

Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a some enjoyable sex first.

Republicans sleep in twin beds--some even in separate rooms. That is why there are more Democrats.




You Might Be A Republican If...

You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

You scream "Mega-Dittos!!!" while making love.

You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You're afraid of the liberal media."

You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

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