2012 Candidate For President

 




I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on   SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.


(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes--Steroids. The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.  If you are convicted of rape ..... well, you get the picture!

(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes


GOD BLESS AMERICA .


Bill Cosby



To bad it is just a joke.  I'd vote for him!

Jerry

Callico wrote on Apr 21^st, 2009 at 11:10am:


Let me see if I have this right ... If a US company is doing well exporting cars or tractors or computer software, they need to just stop for two years? Just lay off the people making those things and give up that income and market share, let people from other countries take their accounts? Meanwhile, these businesses need to keep paying the loans they took to develop their business, and may go bankrupt?  That is Brilliant - if you hate America and want to cripple our economy.

And US companies that import metals not found in the U.S. for computer chips and airplane parts and MRI machines are supposed to stop whatever they do until  'our attitude gets straightened out'?  How high do you reckon the price of gasoline will go when the supply gets cut in half? Ten dollars?  Twenty?  That would be delightful - I think the use of bicycles in America would quickly catch up to levels seen in Cuba. Think of how nice it would be to reduce the congestion on the roads, to see people out exercising on their way to work!!  And other people that used to be rushing around willy-nilly would have the chance to just sit at home, peacefully, in the dark.


One thing I like from that list is requiring people to say the Pledge of Allegiance.  Maybe if repeated enough, the idea that our nation is indivisible will sink in with the secessionists - I just saw a poll showing half of the Republicans in Texas think that breaking away from the US is a good idea.... obviously, it's not like people have sacrificed everything for their country, or that such sacrifice matters.

Johnny,

Monty has such a predictable knee-jerk reaction that he cannot recognize satire when he sees it.    His response was expected.

Jerry

But it's still a good platform....

Brew wrote on Apr 27^th, 2009 at 2:13pm:


And the embellishment in these unfootnoted internet ruses leads into a tangle of weeds.

From the snopes link agreeable comments, the Cos' missed the humor.

Callico wrote on Apr 21^st, 2009 at 11:10am:

I've yet to hear an American speak English.