The Scenario:
You are in the  middle of some kind of project around the house mowing the lawn, putting a new  fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.  You are hot and sweaty,  covered in dirt or paint.  You have your old work clothes on.  You  know, the outfit - shorts with the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.  Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.


Depending on your  age you might do the following:

In  your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss,  and put on clean clothes.  Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add  a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane.  You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.


In  your 30's:
Stop what you are  doing, put on clean shorts and shirt.  Change shoes.  You married the  hot chick so no need for much else.  Wash your hands and comb your  hair.  Check yourself in the mirror.  Still got it.  Add a shot  of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.  The cute girl running the  register is the kid sister to someone you went to school  with.


In  your 40's:
Stop what you are  doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of  your shorts.  Put on different shoes and a hat.  Wash your  hands.  Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to  waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart.  Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.  The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.


In  your 50's:    
Stop what you are  doing.  Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.   Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car.   Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt  anymore because it makes you look fat.  The Cutie running the register  smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.  Then you  remember the hat you have on is from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I  Got Worms.'


In  your 60's:
Stop what you are  doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog crap off your shoes The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have  underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the  register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not  sure.


In  your 70's:
Stop what you are  doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready,  too.  Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.


In  your 80's:
Stop what you are  doing.  Start again.  Then stop again.  Now you remember you  needed to go to Wal-Mart.  Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what the heck it is you are looking for.  You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.





Have a great trip to Wal-Mart whatever your age

EEEEEUUUUUUUWWW!!!  

I don't need the visual of you wimminz and your drag-them-on-the-floor, or tie-them-in-a-knot-so-I-don't-trip-over-them bewbies!!!

<shudder>

Scarred-for-life Chuck