Cat,
I'm going to tread very lightly on this subject. My sitch was quite different- yet, in many ways very similar.
I was the one close to Mom. My sister was the one out of the area,knowing there would always be a possibility of an emergency flight to Mom.
I never had a problem with Gil's parents. When they were ill, we went to the Dr, did what was needed and kept Gil's Brother 'in the loop"..but we were closer, and we could do it. We were not talking, at this point, about life-threatening illnesses. I felt I could handle it..... not a problem, and to have Gil's brother and his wife here, needing attention themselves, it was easier to keep them out of the way.
Mom was different. I was unsure each time somthing happened if it were a life & death sitch or just another 'bump'.I had no insight, only hope, and I think that was because part of me tried to remain in that 'denial' stage. Ann kept asking if she 'should' come up, and frankly, I didn't have a response.
That long-winded diatribe brings me to a simple statement which may or may not be where you are with your brother right now.
I finally realized that I did not have such a firm realisitc grip on Mom's illness, and I had no right to tell my sister not to come up. Your brother has no right to keep you away, and he does bear the responsibility of keeping you apprised. I'd like to say that youir heart will speak to you. Perhaps she needs a Cat fix to boost her up after a pretty serious illness.Maybe you need to see her 'with your own eyes' in order to feel better about her illness and subsequent well-being. Whatever............follow your heart, please.
Personally, I suspect youir mom just got a rude awakening! She will be 100% after some healing...then, maybe she would like to come visit YOU!
Your brother is in a precarious position. Ask him to open his conversations with you, and share your MOm's health issues. Also, have her contact her Dr, and have it put into the file that the Dr can discuss her condition with you at any time....he'd have a far better assessment of your Mom's sitch......and, then, THREATEN your borther with an untimely death if her EVER holds back info like that again!
Both sides are rough. I hope you and your brother can work out a system that keeps your relationship intact.
Meanwhile, if ya need a shoulder....well..........
Hang tough, Toughgirlie!
Cathi