Cat,
I'm going to tread very lightly on this subject. My sitch was quite different- yet, in many ways very similar.
I was the one close to Mom. My sister was the one out of the area,knowing there would always be a possibility of an emergency flight to Mom.
I never had a problem with Gil's parents. When they were ill, we went to the Dr, did what was needed and kept Gil's Brother 'in the loop"..but we were closer, and we could do it. We were not talking, at this point, about life-threatening illnesses. I felt I could handle it..... not a problem, and to have Gil's brother and his wife here, needing attention themselves, it was easier to keep them out of the way.
Mom was different. I was unsure each time somthing happened if it were a life & death sitch or just another 'bump'.I had no insight, only hope, and I think that was because part of me tried to remain in that 'denial' stage.  Ann kept asking if she 'should' come up, and frankly, I didn't have a response.
That long-winded diatribe brings me to a simple statement which may or may not be where you are with your brother right now.
I finally realized that I did not have such a firm realisitc grip on Mom's illness, and I had no right to tell my sister not to come up. Your brother has no right to keep you away, and he does bear the responsibility of keeping you apprised.  I'd like to say that youir heart will speak to you. Perhaps she needs a Cat fix to boost her up after a pretty serious illness.Maybe you need to see her 'with your own eyes' in order to feel better about her illness and subsequent well-being. Whatever............follow your heart, please. 
Personally, I suspect youir mom just got a rude awakening! She will be 100% after some healing...then, maybe she would like to come visit YOU!
Your brother is in a precarious position. Ask him to open his conversations with you, and share your MOm's health issues. Also, have her contact her Dr, and have it put into the file that the Dr can discuss her condition with you at any time....he'd have a far better assessment of your Mom's sitch......and, then, THREATEN your borther with an untimely death if her EVER holds back info like that again!
Both sides are rough.  I hope you and your brother can work out a system that keeps your relationship intact.
Meanwhile, if ya need a shoulder....well..........
Hang tough, Toughgirlie!
Cathi

Thanks for all the energy folks, and thanks for the input - it helped;

I am leaving to go back home tomorrow and stay with Mom for a few days, she has taken a turn poorly and has started back into having coughing fits;  She's pretty shaken up, and it's apparent that she needs someone there with her, 24/7, making sure things in the house are done, errands are run, and she is eating and resting properly.  Mike can go for a leap over the moon for all I care right now, he doesn't know I'll be there tomorrow, and can kiss my lily white a$$ if he doesn't like it.

Thankfully the military does make provisions for relatively inexpensive, short notice flights for family emergencies.  One of the few benefits that doesn't have strings attached.

Keep the prayers and good vibes flowing if you would please.  I'll update as soon as I can.

Cat

You'll feel better once you're there, Cat, and can see to things yourself.  That's how you are.      I'm glad you're able to make the trip.

Update us as you can and have a safe trip.

Much Love,
Jackie

Having me home for 3 days seemed to do Mom a world of good.  I was able to get out and do some shopping for her, cooked for her, except on Mother's day which my brother cooked a big turkey dinner for us, and I tried to get any chores around the house done for her, got her deck furniture out of storage and cleaned up the bird feeders and got them all set and ready for the summer. 

She still tires very quickly, and has been shaken up by having been as ill as she was;  she has never been that ill in her life, and it rattled her significantly.  I was just glad to be able to go back home and make sure she was continuing to rest, without starting to get stressed over the things she wanted to do and was unable to do.  She gets stronger each day, and thinks she will be returning to work tomorrow - she works 2 days a week at my brother's business as she's retired now. 

It was an exhausting trip, and worth every single minute.  I was just glad to be able to be there and help her out, and see for myself how she was progressing.  By the time I left she was doing much better, but I made it clear there will be no next time, that she is to call me herself and tell me if she's ill, and not to wait until she's seriously ill before telling someone what is going on.  I don't work outside the home, so the logical person to call is me;  There will be no repeat of this incident.

I can't thank everyone enough for the energy given over to the support, help, healing and prayers that everyone here sent.  It means the world to me to have had the help and support of my cluster family.

Damn, got somethin' in my eye.....

Thanks again everyone, there is no greater group

Cat