Hey everyone. I used to get CH's 2 times a year. Generally in April and in November. It's been so long I can't remember how long I would get them - but I am sure they would occur for 1-2 months and generally one at night and towards the end of the cycle another during the day. It has been about 7 years since my last CH but 2 weeks ago they came back... and like I said they are back with a vengeance this time. I swear it is almost like they are pissed off they have had to wait this long to get me again.
It started with two separate nights where the pain behind my eye was enough to wake me up, but not enough where I had to get up and do my pacing around. A few nights later they hit stronger along with one during the day. Now I am up to at least 1 almost full blown one during the day and 2 major full blown ones at night.
The last few nights have been so bad I immediately wake up from sleep, start pacing around the living room, pressing the side of my skull as hard as I can - or beating my head on a door, cussing, praying and begging god to make them stop. The past 3 nights during an attack, I cried harder than I think I have ever cried in my life because it hurt so bad. At some points I was crying so hard I couldn't catch my breath. I don't really remember ever being scared during one before but during the one last night I truly was scared. Not sure what I was scared of really, maybe that I was going to knock myself out or that my head was actually going to explode. I am sure many of you know what that's like but when it's happening I feel like I am crazy. And I am sure if someone were to see me they would think I was. I swear the past few nights if someone was around and offered to literally hit me hard enough to knock me unconscious I would have gladly let them do it.
This is the second week where I have had to call into work and tell them I would be late. When I get up in the morning I of course feel like I have had no sleep - and I look like I have been on some crack binge. I have tried to tell a few people at work what's going on but get nothing but "Oh I have had migraines like that" or "Do you think it's because you drink coffee" to my favorite "Do you think this kind of stuff is psychosomatic?" I swear when the guy at work said that last one I envisioned myself taking the pair of scissors from my desk, shoving in through his ear up behind his eye, twisting it around while trying to push his eyeball and brain through his eye socket - asking him if what he felt was psychosomatic. Just a vision, cause I would never do that.

But how can you possibly ever describe or make someone truly know what this feels like?
I have noticed myself staying up later, literally afraid to go to bed because I know what will come at some point of the night. I feel like someone in one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Since the attacks have been hitting me around 1-3am I decided this weekend just to stay up past that point thinking just maybe I will "fool" them - yet they just hit later and then I am just more exhausted when trying to deal with one. I called the doctor today and the earliest appointment I could get was Monday so I am bracing myself for at least 4 more nights of whatever these things bring.
Sorry for the long post and/or rambling. It's just hard to talk to anyone about these and have them truly understand. I am thankful these things left me alone for 7 years. Anyone that gets CH's year round or never has a down time I feel for you. Thanks for listening (or reading).