Good morning, I hope. I was on a pretty good roll the last couple days (just minor shadow and no sleep), but I got hit last night about 6:45, I remember because it interrupted my Family Guy show. But it wasn't too bad, may a 6 or 7. Then, I shook it off and went about my business. Then, later in the evening, a constant shadow (you know, the kind where you aren't alarmed, but it's hard to focus your eyes an anything, and it's just enough that when you lay down, it's uncomfortable so you sit up). Anyway, that lasted most of the night but nothing happened. Then, I must have fallen asleep, but that bastard woke me up around 2am with a strong 8 or 9 and lasted over an hour. Usually, my CHs don't last quite that long. Anyway, I got through it and when he finally left, I was beat!! I shook it off, had a smoke and went back to sleep and slept a solid deep 6 or 7 hours until the phone woke me about 10am (half hour ago). And I woke up sooo tired and out of it, that's not me. I'm usually up around 4 or 5 am, have some coffee and start my day. But I'm out of it this morning.
Like I said, I'd been in remission over a year until he came back a couple weeks ago and although I've been through hell (more than most could imagine) the last couple years, I haven't had a drink in 6 months, I eat more fruit and veggies, etc.
The only things that I've changed since the beast came back a couple weeks ago is: I read a lot, I drink coffee and water like it's going out of style, I've cut way down on my smoking, and my shrink switched my meds from Serequel (Serekill) to Trilafon. I also take Morphine (for my back and carpal...having surgery soon), I still take my clonazepam for anxiey, and I still take my Adderall (major speed...helps my OCD and bi-polar). But besides the Trilafon, I've been on the others for years. And I don't see how reading and meditating so much (I'm a Zen/Engaged Buddhist) could be a trigger because those help my anxieties.
If major stress is a trigger for CHs, why didn't they start again over a year ago when: my stepdad died, by brother committed suicide, I separated from my wife, lost my job, my college funding, drank like a fish, bankruptcy, waiting for disability, and had to move back to Indy from beautiful Oregon (all within the same year). It's a miracle i survived all that, especially being bi-polar on top of that.
But they didn't come back until I accepted everything that happened to me and started practicing mindfulness again and felt better mentally. Strange? Any ideas?
Sorry if I said too much, you probably won't talk to me again now. But it feels like I just took a load off my chest. I haven't brought up all that's happened to me really. Even though I was born here in Indy, I have no friends except a few old ones I email during the week and they live in different states. That, and new friends I'm making here at CH.com. I'm not too social anymore and since I moved from the beautful mountains/ocean and small town (Monmouth) in Oregon, back to a broken down shithole side of town in big Indy, I'm not too keen on my surroundings. It's a shock. I'm a nature person. As soon as I got out of high school, I got the hell out of Indiana and never came back except o visit. Lived in coastal North Carolina, St. Augustine, Fl., Port Angeles, Wa, and finally settled in Oregon after decades of moving and traveling with the Grateful dead. I didn't even get married or go to college until my early 30's.
Now, I have a major past to try to work through, and start from scratch in my early 40's. The only difference is, fewer relatives (the few I have left are old except my brother's kids, who, by the way are wonderful...Megan and Jay), but they are young and live with their mom over an hour from here and don't have their dad anymore since my brother committed suicide (that made a MAJOR impact on my life). We were very close, always stayed in contact, even when I was moving around. I miss him a lot!!!
Sorry, I got off the subject of CHs and brought up my history. I got on a roll.
Anyway, any ideas?
Thanks and have a good weekend.
Here's a pic of my brother and his family. He was only 38 when he took his life!

Hi Ocnprl,

It's good to vent, occasionally we need to get this stuff of our chest and to vent to friends who understand what you are going through is the best way of off loading some of this baggage.

So sorry the beast is playing havoc with you, the little git knows no boundaries. For me personally i don't believe stress will trigger a cycle but it will definitely prolong my cycle and give me continuous shadows. Trying to remain calm and focused during a cycle is a very hard practice to achieve, something that i have not mastered myself but I continue to learn.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother I can't begin to imagine the void that this has left in your life. Try your best to remain focused and strong and hopefully you will get some PF time very soon.

Take care..


Lefty...!

Aww honey,  I am so sorry about your brother.  Dont apologize for "going off of the subject"   It sounds like you have been through the ringer, and you can talk everyday on here about all of your thoughts and feelings, because we are like a big family, here to listen and help our brothers and sisters get through hard times.   

As far as your CH,  you didnt mention O2.  Are you using it?  If not,  you really should look into it.  It is a lifesaver, literally!!!!!

Stress, of course, doesnt help anyones health, but there is just no avoiding it in daily life. 
Email me if you need to talk some more,ok?

Christine

Thanks for the good words Jerry! I've found ways in dealing with everything and that's just taking things moment to moment. When you start thinking too far into the future, or dwell on the past, your just causing more suffering upon yourself and to some extent others as well. It took me a long time to snap out of it (I'm still working on it), but coming here, reading, talking, and hearing other's horror stories, I'm not focusing so much on mine. I may have a lot on my plate, but I don't have to with my CHs being chronic...not yet anyway. So I guess things could be worse, and I can see a positive in these clusters...they brought me here.
Thanks again.
Steve

aw man sorry about your brother

if anything stress will keep attacks at bay. you probably get hit when your relaxing reading a book or watching tv.( i love family guy) many of us try to exercise during an attack. i've found that when i'm chopping wood or mowing or tying down loads on the truck i usually dont get hit. when i get in the cab and drive, bam i get hit.

could try sleeping in a recliner. keep the head elevated. i've noticed that dry air can be a trigger. may want to use a humidifier if your running the a/c