Q: When Brezhnev was General Secretary, why did T-V's come with windshield wipers?
A: Because people watching him on T-V would shout "Liar!" and spit at him.

A woman entered a store and asked, "You don't have any meat, do you?"
"This is a fish store," the proprietor responded. "The meat store across the street is where they don't have any meat."

Three men were discussing how pigs were killed in their countries. The Brit said, "I think they shoot them, for I've seen pigs with holes in their heads." The Frenchman said, "I've never seen any holes, so they must gas them in France." The Ukrainian said, "We must use dynamite, because all we ever see are ears and hooves."

One doctor said to another, "Shall we treat the patient, or let him live?"

Latvia asked Moscow for independence for one year. Moscow refused. So they asked for independence for two weeks. Still, no. When they asked for independence for two hours, Moscow agreed.
Latvia then declared war on Sweden, and surrendered five minutes later.

A Soviet ordered a car, and was told by the official it would be there in ten years. "Will it be there in the morning, or the afternoon?" asked the man.
"Why would you ask such a thing?" demanded the official.
"Because the plumber's coming in the morning." the man replied.