Hi everyone. I have over the past years seen this site and have even implemented some of the methods described here to help survive my cycles. For that I want to say a very warm and sincere THANK YOU!!! Until now I haven't joined. Other sites would call me a leecher.

Well I know most of you have felt the hopelessness of this disorder and you know that the beast doesn't really respond well to much of anything and if you find anything that helps you just get by you are ecstatic. Hence I wanted to join, say thank you and hopefully continue to benefit from all the vast knowledge and experience here and maybe even contribute a little from time to time if by nothing more letting someone else know that I know how they feel and that they are not alone.

A little about me. Started having migraines (that's right MIGRAINES not CLUSTERS) when I was a kid. Maybe around age 10 or so. Not all that bad in retrospect but around 3 or 4 times a month I would wish for death for a few days. Luckily I found the wonder drug Imitrex and really didn't suffer much after that. Then at age 25 the BEAST reared it ugly head and for 3  months the most intense pain I had ever felt stalked my every move (and I've felt a lot of pain - from broken bones to completely destroyed ligaments, from busted teeth to complete facial reconstructive surgery and so on). That was the worst 3 months of my life. Both me and my GP knew nothing of Clusters and the saint that she is she kept me supplied with enough samples of Imitrex to make it through. Then just as suddenly as they had come the headaches were gone. I thought it was just an anomaly and I went about my business. Well that was 7 years ago and just like clockwork every year in November the cycle would begin. I then spend the next 3 months trying to survive and trying every doctor, specialist, neurologist, voodoo witch doctor, medication, alternative supplement, snake oil, acupuncture, rain dance etc to help end the pain, all the while eating Imitrex (and other triptans) like candy. Occasionally we would come across something that would give brief relief but it always seems my body would adjust and the the pain would return, if possible, worse than before. Almost like I had pissed the beast off and now it would punish me. I have tried so many medications it would take me an hour to list them all (same thing will non prescription remedies). Sometimes the thing that gave relief the cycle before had no effect the next time and sometimes stuff that didn't work before worked this time. It's just always a crap shoot. Until last years cycle I asked my neurologist that i had been with for a few years if we could try Elavil again. Shoot who knows, it might work this time. All of the other meds (the anti-seizure meds, the blood pressure meds, the breast cancer drugs, the o2, water, supplements etc) had failed miserably this time and once again I was completely strung out on Imitrex with more than a month to go in my cycle. Guess what. Yep, with the usual absence of rhyme or reason it worked this time and aborted the cycle almost a full month early. I continued taking my Verapimil and the Elavil and the time for my cycle to begin (November) came and went with no pain. I thought I had found it! The right mix. The ever elusive, mythical CH'ers unicorn. But alas, no. I only delayed the onset by a few months. May 1st came (3 days before my birthday) and so did the beast. So here I am smack dab in the middle of the cycle and I find myself once again frustrated and despairing, unable to cope, struggling to find anything to help, strung out on Imitrex and hurting all day every day. I guess I forgot to tell you my attacks are all day every day K6 to K10 for 3 months at a time. I take Imitrex and 4-6 hours later the pain returns. All day and all night. I don't sleep. i don't eat. I just hurt and try to do the things life requires. I barely work, I barely spend time with my family, I lead a pretty miserable existence. I become consumed by this thing and the depression and hopelessness destroys me and hurts everyone around me. i am completely ineffective and would hardly describe myself as even human. I become a shivering denizen of the hell that is a cluster cycle. My lovely wife and my wonderful kids hang in there with me but are severely affected.

So here I sit, with at least a month left in my cycle, trying to find something to hold on to and here I am venting on a message board which surprisingly has been quite cathartic. So even if no one reads this, at least I have unloaded enough to get through one more day.