Quote:


To My wife:

During the past year I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which if an average of only once every 10 days.  The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often.

1.  We will wake the kids....................34 times
2.  It's too late............................15 times
3.  I'm too tired............................42 times
4.  It's too early...........................12 times
5.  It's too hot.............................13 times
6.  Pretending to be asleep..................49 times
7.  The neighbors will hear.................. 9 times
8.  Headache or backache.....................28 times
9.  Sunburn..................................10 times
10. Your Mother will hear us................. 9 times
11. Not in the mood..........................21 times
12. Watching the late show...................17 times
13. Too sore.................................26 times
14. New Hairdo............................... 6 times
15. Wrong time of the Month..................14 times
16. You had to go to the bathroom............19 times

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I had finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy.

********************************

To My Dear Husband:

I think things are a little bit confused.  Here are the real reasons you didn't get more than you did.

1.  Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat....................25 times
2.  Did not come home at all......................................36 times
3.  Did not come..................................................21 times
4.  Came too soon.................................................33 times
5.  Went soft before you got it in................................19 times
6.  Cramps in your leg............................................16 times
7.  Working too late..............................................38 times
8.  You had a rash "probably from some toilet seat"...............29 times
9.  Caught in your zipper.........................................15 times
10. Had a "cold" and your nose kept running.......................21 times
11. You burned your tongue on hot coffee.......................... 9 times
12. You had a splinter in your finger.............................11 times
13. Lost the notion after thinking about it........................42 times
14. Came in your PJ's after reading a dirty book..................16 times

The reason I laid still was because you missed me and were screwing the sheet, you seemed to be having such a good time, I didn't want to move and ruin it for you.  I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling - what I said was "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around was because you farted and I was fighting for air.

<<<< Takes a Bow       

                        


Hmmm who can we ask about that?

Ask my sheets. We're in luv!

And ask my pillow and my bed spread and my wash cloth and my towel and my BLOW dryer. But don't ask my socks, they're still pissed at me.

Jeff "hi baby nice to meet you, was it good for you too" B

Ginger, Ginger, Ginger....

There have been SOOOO many women in my life that I have lost count. I'd have to dig out the old Playboys to add them up. And to think about all the hours I held their pictures up with my left hand.....

My right hand can turn a lump of coal into a diamond!