Miklos wrote on Aug 20th, 2009 at 9:29pm:For Carl:
Been a while since we've exchanged notes or bummed around in Chat.
But, frankly, with all the stuff you have had to deal with in the last five years along with your musical ventures, how in the hell do you have time to be straight, gay or indifferent?
Just curious. Nonetheless, be well whatever path you have chosen.
With a deep breath, here goes:
It is something I never felt the need to discuss in this forum. I have been 'out' for 9 years to friends and family. I lost a few friends, but made news ones, but found something much more important: my indentity.
Tried to convince myself I was 'str8' though knew since I was a child I was different for some reason, and at an early age showed signs of affection towards same sex. I learned that was 'wrong, ungodly and disgusting' and was raised in a prejudice household, in a rough town. Had I come out 24 years ago - the beatings, vandalism and other shit I would've endured... fuck that.
I was even engaged twice to a woman, but never could go through with it. Finally I came to a point in my life when I was 30 where I either just accepted who I am and lived with it, or hid it for life for fear of 'what others might think' and in the past few years, have learned that people will think what they want. As soon as you are labeled 'gay' then you are stereotyped and a sissy and all kinds of shit that is not necessarily true.
As for the past few years, I had quit even dating or anything since my life has been way too complicated for my likings. Last year I made up my mind to just stay single for life, move on and not make my problems someone else's. And now, approaching 40 - and going through mid life crisis at its peak, I had a fallin out with family because of what my brother held back for 9 years - his disdain for me; just on more reason ALOT (MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE) of men ARE GAY, and no one knows, except their lovers who don't tell secrets. You'd be surprised who you might know who is, and doesn't say anything.
In fact, I've been here or over 10 years now, and only a few people knew. In my book, they were the only ones that it mattered to. Now, I just don't care. What two consenting adults do behind closed doors is "THEIR BUSINESS" and no one elses. Although I draw a line at times; though I am gay, I don't wave a banner. I did for awhile there because it was liberating to finally be me, and it lifted a huge weight off of me. However, I do not let my sexuality define my character. I don't discuss it on Myspace or Facebook, and never have on here until now. This just seemed like a good thread to do it in. (Thanks Tony.)
So yes, it is true: my favorite color is blue, I listen to a very broad spectrum of music, and I love provel on my pizza! So if I am going to be hated for anything, I'd prefer it be one of those things. It would make as much sense as hating me for something that affects no one else but me.
And lastly, shortly after I decided to remain single the rest of my life as I had grown content being alone, I got a birthday present 8 days after mine, and 7 days after his. I met someone, fell in love and they fell in love with me - and with how complicated my life is - accepts me for who I am. Someone who has been there for me through ALOT of shit, but also brought a vitality to my life that was missing. We think alike, and are the closest thing to a soulmate anyone culd wish for. He old me he's sorry he ruined my 'single' plans, but I am stuck with him for life. I just sang to him some Huey Lewis - "Yes it's true. I am happy to be stuck with you." And it isn't just about sex. We have feelings and emotions too, we joke, we cry, and we lift each other up and care for one another in many ways.
So, sorry for anyone who felt 'deceived' that I didn't make this news available sooner but, nobody asked either and those who did got an honest answer. I like UFC, beer, wicked classic cars and Cardinals Baseball, ran with a tough crowd back in the day, and am handy at fixing things, even change brake lines and such. I've been 'gaybashed' and then showed the scumbag a different form of gaybashing by snapping his arm in two. It was self defense. He almost broke my jaw first, came at me again and I broke his arm. It was in a st8 redneck bar, told 2 friends the 2nd day I was out, and one jacked me in the face screaming all kinds of stuff I won't repeat. Came at me again still raging, and I did a 'block and drop' and snapped his arm. Cops asked questions, came back and asked if I wanted to press charges. I asked what would happen if I did and he said, "We have enough eyewitness accounts this will contsitute as a hate crime." I askd what that meant. "He'll a minimum of 2 years."
I couldn't press charges. Instead I let it go. Wasn't worth sending him to prison and ruining his family. Like our other friend said who was there, "His closet is just bigger than yours and he felt threatened that you might bring him out."
If I shocked anyone with this post - well, cool. Far out! Great to know shock value still is worth something. Like I have alot of friends on here anyway. Doesn't matter; I'll take quality over quantity any day. Better to have few good friends than dozens who will stab you in the back in a heartbeat.
With that being said, I'm 'out'

Peace,
Carl,
PS - "For today only, you can call me "Loretta."' - Jack McFarland