I just wondered if anyone could give me some advice. I am very close to my BF, a male who has CH and we admittedly have a relationship which blurrs the lines between friendship and lovers.
The thing is for the last month he has been hit constantly with Cluster headaches and is very down and frankly exhausted. He is on the tablet that begins with V (can't recall just at the mo lol) and he has also tried Oxygen and various other hit and miss ideas. I really feel for him and apart from being there for him I know I can't really do much.
  Anyway the other day he actually admitted that he was depressed and I asked him about going to see someone (knowing what the answer would be!) He just said 'What about me tells you that is going to happen?' So I know thats a no. The thing that really upset me though (and something which he can't see a problem with at all) is when he told me that I gave him no joy in his life but that it was ok because as long as I got something out of it then he would still do all the things I wanted. It really upset me and he truly doesn't understand why. When I said to him that I loved him dearly and if he didn't get anything out of me then it was all pointless cos it was just an act essentially, he said that if I didn't like it then I could hit the bricks but I wouldn't find anyone prepared to put up with my Princessy ways. (which I do admit to)
What I need to know is a)should I just stick this out cos he is obviously in pain and is depressed b)how much pressure on a relationship do these headaches cause?
I really don't know what to do because I feel like the whole thing is just a con and it kills me to thing that I provide him with nothing at all,I just can't get over that.
Any advice gratefully accepted.
x

i can only comment on my own relationship and experiences but maybe it will help
ive been married 12 yrs (jesus is it really that long) and a CH sufferer for 4yrs. I was only diagnosed this year after all the tests they could think of. Ive gone through the scares of brain tumours, Cancer and MS and had some pretty down times. My wife (bless her cotton socks) is very suportive and understands how i feel and what i require in respect to help during my cycles however i also had to learn not to drag my wife down into the black pitt i find myself in during my cycles. I do my best not to go on about my headaches all the time and try to enjoy the PF days. Also a strange sence of humour helps me alot and can put a light and open doors instead of sitting in the dark all the time (depression). However i do have bad days and my lovelly wife has a size 9 boot wich is more than willing to kick me up the arse  when ive gone on about it too long.

hope this helps
mark (not needed a boot for a while, but i can see it in the background)

lexie wrote on Oct 26^th, 2009 at 7:00am:


This reminds me of the joke where a man went with his wife to the doctor about her throat condition and he said she had to have surgery to take her tonsils out.  The husband asked if she would be able to sing after the surgery and the doctor said, "Could she sing before?" 

So, how was he before this started?  How were you? 

Cluster Headaches are just one of many things in life that can be devastating.  I would choose not to have them, but I would choose to have them over many other illnesses, handicaps, or situations. 

Another story...When my father in law taught his kids to drive, he said, "Anyone can drive down a straight road in good conditions...it is when something unexpected happens that you have to be prepared for...and that is when you will know if you are a good driver."  He was a brilliant Veterinarian, but I think that simple lesson was one of the smartest things he said.  And at least to me, it wasn't just about driving.  It was about life as well.   

I have been married 29 years and have had clusters 25 years.

It sounds like the two of you should decide what your relationship is first and go from there.  It is really only something the two of you can figure out, but I wouldn't blame it on the clusters.

Hope this helps!
Joni

Quote:


Joni, by any chance is your father-in-law related to Guiseppi's Dad???   LOL      That is a very wise analogy.

Lexie....for a great many of us 02 is NOT a hit and miss idea.  When it is administered correctly, at the proper flow rate, with the correct mask and as soon as a hit starts...it is remarkable in it's ability to abort a headache.  Sometimes in mins...others may take longer.  Please read the 02 link to the left of here. 

Linda

It is too difficult to give advice about your relationship. 
I will say, though, that depression will mask positive things.  I know when I've been hit 7 times a day for 3 months, I don't find joy or happiness in much at all.  Sometimes it seems much easier to give up due to the depression.  It sounds like he is in that spot.  It sounds like he is willing to give up the relationship because the depression is making it impossible to find joy.
If it's not due to the depression, than this relationship isnt for you. 

Lexie...
I am a partner to a CH sufferer...  Cluster Headaches are a new real (very) real topic for me as of late... I have found the one person in this life who makes my knees weak (that would be my love of my life)... He also happends to be a sufferer of these awful headaches... I do not know personally what he goes through when he is in a cycle, but, I would bet it is NOTHING like what you or I have ever experienced. It was explained to me by a woman who said..."it's like having hard labor pains and giving birth WITHOUT medication EVERY time you get an attack". Imagine the worst pain EVER... Thats what they go through...

Imagine THAT!!... I had a baby without meds... only once... I have an idea how that feels... I can't imagine doing that every night.... multiple times a night...

Seperate the CH attacks from everything else in your relationship... deal with those issues another time...

I am long winded tonight B/C my love is suffering right now... and wants to be left alone... this is all i can do not to cry...

to all of us who suffer with them... stay strong.. dont let them see you crumble

Brew wrote on Nov 15^th, 2009 at 2:23pm:



This can be very true and very depressing and emasculating.

regardless, he sounds like he is just being a dick to you.

forget Clusters that is just not right.

my humble opinion