Open Letter to the Beast:

I am formally requesting that you cease and desist all visits - both diurnal and nocturnal - as of January 8, 2010.  For over 20 years you have been a most unwelcome and unwanted guest in my head and, frankly, I have grown weary of your visits.  My chief complaints are as follows:

• You have never been invited.  In all the years that you and I have been acquainted, never once have you been invited into my head yet you show up every 12-18 months and stay there for 6-10 weeks.  I don't come and bother you when the mood strikes me so I would ask that you treat me the same way.
• You don't consistently leave when asked.  When you do visit, I have used a variety of methods to ask you to leave - sometimes they work yet other times they don't.  To be candid, I find this frustrating.  Perhaps you can enlighten me as to why my 20mg Imitrex Nasal spray works only 70% of the time and very rarely when your visit is at it's peak?
• You are far too time sensitive.  If I don't get oxygen into my lungs within 2.4 seconds of the beginning of your visit, you just make yourself at home with very little regard to my efforts to evict you.
• You are not time sensitive enough.  Some nights you stay for 20 minutes while others you just linger for hours upon hours seemingly never wanting to leave.  You may not have to function in the morning, but I do.
• My hair hurts.  That's right, what's left of the hair on top of my head on the right side actually HURTS from your little visits.  Can you imagine the amount of pain one must endure to have their follicles actually feel pain??

In short, my family and I are tired of your visits and we are formally requesting that you stop immediately.  I have not had more than three hours of uninterrupted sleep in the past 18 days because you just decide to drop in.  It's impacting me, my work, and my family.  Your visits stop NOW!  Should you refuse to comply with this letter, I shall be forced to take even more drastic measures in the future.

Please govern yourself accordingly.

WIP5150

P.S.  I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL, BEAST!!!!!!!!

AMEN!!! may u ROT in hell BEAST!!

I was on the floor....that is freaking FUNNY!

Your HAIR hurts...and you don't have much...that's me! It what I use when people ask how bad the pain is...if they've had a BAD hangover.... they ALMOST get it

WAY creative

Best,

Jon

wip5150 wrote on Jan 8^th, 2010 at 2:41pm:


Dear wip5150,

If you haven't tried it yet, a 3mg injection (half dose) may convince me to leave a higher percentage of the time than the nasal does.

I'm more scared of needles, and just for the record, I really SUCK. Bad.

- Mr. McBeastberry USA.