Click this link to read a post I like on the clusterheadaches.com message board...

Mosaicwench

CH.com Sponsor

Offline

www.mosaicwench.com

Posts: 3507
Near Milwaukee WI, USA
Gender: female

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #25 - Feb 11^th, 2010 at 12:18pm

Ah . .the "treat me like an adult" rant . . . I get it at least weekly, and mine IS now an adult.

But "adult" doesn't mean just age. It's Respect, Responsibility, and doing the Right thing. I think your Joe is on the right track - at least it sounds like he is.

And mom, acknowledge those things about your relationship with your son that are your problems. I had a long hard talk with myself about those things; which of my perceptions to let go by the wayside and which to stand up for. Once some of my personal deadwood was cleared out, things got better. It IS hard to think of these young men as anything other than 10 years old and in need of our help.

Back to top

“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.”
~Flaubert

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?id=1240423960&ref

IP Logged

Jeannie CH.com Sponsor Offline Live, Laugh, Love.... Posts: 2333 St Louis, Missouri Gender:	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #26 - Feb 11^th, 2010 at 1:35pm Thanks, Pat. I have to admit that I probably need to work on myself .... just a little
Back to top	"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney IP Logged

deltadarlin CH.com Alumnus Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 3823 Downsville LA Gender:	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #27 - Feb 11^th, 2010 at 5:27pm Pick your battles.
Back to top	Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!! You need to or IP Logged

NancyB

CH.com Veteran

Offline

I Love CH.com!

Posts: 169

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #28 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:44am

I have 2 teen boys. I find it in my best interest to have as many of their friends over as often as possible. Yes they make a lot of noise, but I know what they are doing and who their friends are. Also, and this is big, they've got to clean!!!!!!!! before anyone arrives, bathroom especially. Then just trust that we've done a good job and hope for the best. I'm told we'll survive.

Back to top

IP Logged

QnHeartMM CH.com Sponsor Offline I AM a Phoenix! Posts: 1783 San Diego, CA Gender:	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #29 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:50am And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents." Then you know you did your job well. By the way, if you or your husband have one of those Employee Assistance Plans (EAP) at work, I found alot of good info on our website during the teen-raising years.
Back to top	Treat people with kind words. IP Logged

Brew CH.com Sponsor CH.com Alumnus Offline Posts: 14163	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #30 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:53am QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:50am: And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I borrow $20?" Fixed it for ya.
Back to top	"I have been asked if I have changed in these past 25 years. No, I am the same. Only more so." --Ayn Rand IP Logged

Potter CH.com Alumnus Offline Team MOOSE DROOL Stinky Stuff on a Hook Prostaff Posts: 3600 Blgs.Mt. Gender:	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #31 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:57am Brew wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:53am: QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:50am: And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I have $20?" Fixed it for ya. This is more believable. Potter
Back to top	IP Logged

Brew

CH.com Sponsor
CH.com Alumnus

Offline

Posts: 14163

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #32 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 11:01am

Potter wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:57am:

Brew wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:53am:

QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:50am:

And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I have $20?"

Fixed it for ya.

This is more believable.

Potter

You are most certainly correct, sir! What was I thinking?

Back to top

"I have been asked if I have changed in these past 25 years. No, I am the same. Only more so." --Ayn Rand

IP Logged

Click Here to visit the CH.com Facebook page!

NancyB CH.com Veteran Offline I Love CH.com! Posts: 169	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #33 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 11:08am So what do you do with a couple of teens that don't even want to drive? Not that I'm complaining mind you, just be nice not to be chauffer all the time.
Back to top	IP Logged

DennisM1045

CH.com Alumnus

Offline

One wave at a time!

Posts: 3437
Haverhill, Massachusetts, USA
Gender: male

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #34 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 12:24pm

NancyB wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 11:08am:

So what do you do with a couple of teens that don't even want to drive? Not that I'm complaining mind you, just be nice not to be chauffer all the time.

Just say no. Sometimes that is the right answer.

I had a few that got licenses late (18). The only ride they got from me was to work and back. The rest was up to them.

-Dennis-

Back to top

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

IP Logged

DennisM1045

CH.com Alumnus

Offline

One wave at a time!

Posts: 3437
Haverhill, Massachusetts, USA
Gender: male

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #35 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 12:24pm

Brew wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 11:01am:

Potter wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:57am:

Brew wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:53am:

QnHeartMM wrote on Feb 12^th, 2010 at 10:50am:

And then, one day, they floor you buy saying something like, "Mom, we were so lucky to have you and dad as our parents. Can I have $20?"

Fixed it for ya.

This is more believable.

Potter

You are most certainly correct, sir! What was I thinking?

Joe, are you letting her watch the Hallmark channel again?

-Dennis-

Back to top

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

IP Logged

DennisM1045

CH.com Alumnus

Offline

One wave at a time!

Posts: 3437
Haverhill, Massachusetts, USA
Gender: male

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #36 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 12:28pm

Jeannie wrote on Feb 11^th, 2010 at 9:17am:

Our problem is that when I think I am treating him like an adult, he thinks I treating him like a "little kid." Then his "attitude" comes out. I know it will pass.

Jeannie, there is some really good advice in this thread. But I'm sure you know all this already. Raising teens is tough. It's supposed to be. Don't doubt yourself. If it don't feel right, it ain't right.

But I'm here to tell ya that they do eventually love you for more than clean clothes, food and gas money again. For right now though, they're not supposed to. It's just how it works.

Stick to your guns hun.

-Dennis-

Back to top

Where there is life, there is hope.
Where there is Oxygen, you must use proper caution.
So be safe, don't smoke while using O2. Kill the pain and not yourself.

IP Logged

Linda_Howell CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Do not feed the Moderators Posts: 11927 Santa Maria, Ca. Gender:	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #37 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 2:54pm What Dennis just said is very correct. They're not supposed to. When my kids told me they hated me...I didn't blink an eye. Instead I said "then I am doing my work as a parent."
Back to top	Hurt people.....hurt people. Think about it. IP Logged

Jeannie CH.com Sponsor Offline Live, Laugh, Love.... Posts: 2333 St Louis, Missouri Gender:	Re: How on Earth.... Reply #38 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 4:21pm Things are better today....for the moment. Weekends are hard when they are grounded. Sometimes I wonder who I'm punishing.... me or him!
Back to top	"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney IP Logged

Langa

CH.com Alumnus

Offline

So many donuts, such little
time...

Posts: 4754
x0||USA|usa|0|0|NJ,New_Jersey
Gender: female

Re: How on Earth....
Reply #39 - Feb 12^th, 2010 at 8:13pm

I always tell people I got my scruffy knees from praying so much when I was raising Crystal - mainly I think for strength that I wouldn't kill her. She's 19 now and things are much better. Unfortunately, I had to release her so she could make her mistakes. Crystal is as stubborn as they come and has to learn on her own. She's staying away from drugs, losers and is attending college - what else can I ask for.

Great advice by the way Brew.

Langa

Back to top

When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

IP Logged

	Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register
	Search box updated Dec 3, 2011... Search ch.com with Google!