RemissionOver
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Posts: 4
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Hello Friends, This is my first post in 4.5 years. ========================== The date on my most recent prescription of Imitrex is the latter part of 2005. I've kept all my old medication though it's all expired, just in case. My "remission" ended three days ago, out of the blue (or should I say "black"). I had gone on with my existence, almost forgotten about what cluster headaches were like. But I kept my little black bag of meds, anyway. I had four Imitrex left and I always made sure that when I travelled I took it with me; I never needed it for over 4 years, but I kept it close anyway. Three days ago I got my first CH in over 4 years. I was in tears five minutes after it started blubbering on again just like the last attack almost 4.5 years ago. It all came flooding back, the pain, the intense pain and the incredible nervous horror of waiting for the next attack. I sat at the kitchen table with the tears pouring out of me remembering everything and experiencing once again the most abysmal savage pain I'd ever experienced. And I knew it was all starting again, when I thought it was long passed and just a bad memory. I remembered all the details of my last bout with CH, and I found my CH diary stuffed in a bookcase with the last entry from September 2005. That day I had a ten-level CH then the pages are all blank because the headaches stopped as mysteriously as they had come on several months before. I remember being so happy when the headaches ended, thinking I could have a normal life again - I had thought that the clusterheadaches would debilitate me and my life ruined. I remember pacing, and drinking strong coffee, and smoking strong cigarettes to make the pain retreat just a little. It seemed to work just a little, but that little made a big impact. Today, I go to the docs to have my 5 year old prescription of Imitrex refilled. I once had an account on this forum, but let it go dormant and now I've forgotten my login name. Why would I remember it, I had no reason to post anything for almost 5 years - I wanted to forget clusterheadaches, forget the horror of it, the frustration, pain, and fear of it. Every aspect of clusterheadaches is negative, it was like some dark patch of my life that I thought was over and done. I keep feeling shadows constantly and every twinge in my gums or eye I get nervous. I think, "S***, I've got only once imitrex left!" The thing about clusterheadaches is that it makes one feel helpless, and without control over one's own life. There seems no rhyme nor reason to it, but that it's some kind of tribulation some kind of training in suffering that I have to endure again. I remember the agony of these horrible attacks, every day, and to be totally honest, I am terrified.
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