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I've been gassed....... (Read 3797 times)
Potter
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #25 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 5:40pm
 
Linda_Howell wrote on Apr 2nd, 2010 at 5:29pm:
This thread is going to go for 4 pages.  Isn't it?    Roll Eyes

Farts are funny.

       Potter
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LeLimey
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #26 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 6:07pm
 
My pome...

A fart is a natural explosion
That comes from out of your bum
Down the valley of the trouser leg
And out with a musical hum

*takes a bow*


DO NOT LET HER EAT LICORICE.

Well - not unless she's going to her dads for the weekend..  Smiley
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Dallas Denny 62
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #27 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 8:24pm
 
Jimi wrote on Apr 2nd, 2010 at 10:52am:
In the south, women don't pass gas.


I don't know bout Southern women Jimi, but my ex was a born and bred Texan....and on numerous occasions I've seen her shift her weight, lift a cheek, and break wind like a full grown man and then say, "oops, I pooted"....lmao!!

DD
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I am lost and have gone to find myself....if you should see me before I get back....please ask me to wait until I return!!
 
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KJ
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #28 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 8:42pm
 
Show her a text of this thread.....should make her stop farting and hate you more at the same time. Smiley
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #29 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 8:52pm
 
Oh she loves me....

She was in Florida last week with the Music Department, and she warned all her room mates about her little "gas issue".  She's well aware.
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"The goal of life living in agreement with Nature."  ~Zeno
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #30 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 9:22pm
 
Ah yes, "weapons of a$$ destruction."

Don
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Linda_Howell
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #31 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 9:51pm
 
Quote:
She's well aware.


of what?   that you have now posted this to 100's of perfect strangers ?     Grin

Quote:
hate you more at the same time
  Oh I hope not.  Teens have a hard enough time loving us for the good things we do.   Grin

OMG...I just added one more post to making this thread to 2 pages.   I need to be flogged. Angry
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Guiseppi
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #32 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 11:40pm
 
Linda everyone's having a "Gas"
It's just a "Passing" thread.
It'll stop when all the posters get "Winded."
I'm getting "Pooped" already.
Grin Grin Grin Grin

I kill me I really do
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"Somebody had to say it" is usually a piss poor excuse to be mean.
 
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Jimi
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #33 - Apr 2nd, 2010 at 11:45pm
 
You kill me, I know that. Roll Eyes
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LeLimey
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #34 - Apr 3rd, 2010 at 7:17am
 
For Linda..

Laugh and the world laughs with you - fart and they all stop.

A Ballerina goes to the Doctor,
"Doc I am having terrible trouble with the most awful wind, every time I pirouette I fart" she cries.
"Hmmm," says the Doctor, "I'd like to see that if possible"
The ballerina get up, pirouettes and Phrrrt... Farts loudly.
"Thats amazing, do it again,"
Again the pirouette is accompanied by a loud fart
"Hmmm," says the Doctor "I think I may be able to help" he bends down and picks up a long pole with a curious barbed hook on the end.
The ballerina starts back in alarm, "What the ~&%$*? are you going to do with that?" she asks,
"Opening the window, it stinks in here for Gods sake!"

A nervous young man, keen to impress, is visiting his future in laws for the very first time.
After a huge Sunday Lunch they are all relaxing in the lounge when the young man lets off a real ripsnorter. The father gets up and shouts at the dog, "Get out Rex, get out!"
"Phew," thinks the young man, "They thought it was the dog,"
Next time he doesn't even try to hold it in and again the father shouts at the dog, "Rex, Out, Out,"
The third time the young man had grown in confidence and releases a huge rumbling air biscuit at which the father jumps up and shouts,
"Get out Rex, quick before he s***ts all over you"

What happened to the blind skunk?
He fell in love with a fart.

What do you call "fart" in German?
Farfrompoopin!




and finally.. my favourite..

Why don't little girls fart?
'cos they don't have a$$holes 'til they're married  Cool
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LeLimey
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #35 - Apr 3rd, 2010 at 7:27am
 
Actually this might explain it all

WHAT KIND OF FARTER ARE YOU?

Pick the day you were born on (i.e. 5th, 6th etc.) to see what kind of farter you are...



1-AMBITIOUS FARTER
Always ready to fart.

2-LAZY FARTER
Just fizzles

3-AMIABLE FARTER
Likes to smell others

4-SELFISH FARTER
Only enjoys smelling his own farts.

5-CARELESS FARTER
Farts in church, restaurants, and department stores without even an iota of shame.

6-SMART ALEC FARTER
Farts when girls are in the room.

7-CLEVER FARTER
Farts and coughs at same time.

8-SCIENTIFIC FARTER
Keeps his or her farts in jars with the dates on them.

9-STINGY FARTER
Belches instead of farting to save his butthole.

10-FOOLISH FARTER
Farts and laughs, while others cry.

11-SHY FARTER
Can only fart on a deserted Island.

12-CONCEITED FARTER
Thinks he can fart the loudest.

13- FARTER
Tries to fart and soils his underwear.

14- TIMID FARTER
Is emotionally shaken by the sound of farts.

15-BEWILDERED FARTER
Unable to distinguish between their farts and others.

16-SLOVENLY FARTER
Farts refuse to leave underwear, it's nice and damp in there and they can stick around.

17-NERVOUS FARTER
Farts very tight squeaky half farts, keeps the rest for the privacy of his or her own home.

18-MISERABLE FARTER
Can't fart unless he or she is in the privacy of their own home..

19-CONFUSED FARTER
Has such bad breath he or she can't tell where the smell is coming from.

20-GROUCHY FARTER
Swears at his or her farts.

21-SNEAKY FARTER
Farts, cups the noxious cloud tightly between his or her cheeks, then waits for someone else to get up or make a move to lift cheek.

22-DISAPPOINTED FARTER
Their farts don't stink.

23-FRESH GUY FARTER
Turns around in front of you and farts.

24-BIG BULLY FARTER
Farts louder, longer, and smellier than everyone elses.

25-VAIN FARTER
Deeply moved by the smell of farts.

26-CLAIRVOYANT FARTER
Can tell what others have eaten from their farts.

27-WISE FARTER
Farts and say's "Who dropped their guts?"

28-DAMNED MEAN FARTER
Farts in bed and pulls the covers over wife's head (aka the Dutch oven)

29-MUSICAL FARTER
Tenor or bass
Clear as a bell
Smells like shit
Sounds like a tuba

30-HONEST FARTER
Farts and blames in on others or the dog.

31-LIVELY FARTER
Jumps up in air, toots three times, kicks simultaneously

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Guiseppi
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #36 - Apr 3rd, 2010 at 9:36am
 
Sometimes.....when you crry....no one sees your tears....

Sometimes......when you are worried.......no one sees your pain.....

Sometimes......when you are happy......no one sees your smile.....

But Fart just one time.....
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"Somebody had to say it" is usually a piss poor excuse to be mean.
 
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Langa
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #37 - Apr 5th, 2010 at 2:31am
 
LMAO!  I feel your pain Sis...Must be a teenage thing...Even Peanut runs for cover when Crystal decides to bless us with one of her farts.

Langa
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Re: I've been gassed.......
Reply #38 - Apr 6th, 2010 at 9:24am
 
Okay... Here's one from Morgan:

Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So eat your beans with every meal!
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"It's all a grand illusion when you think you're in control." ~ Kenny Chesney
 
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