April is a big month for me, especially this one.
Going through some anxiety, reflections and such; thinking about how much time I lost not being able to record, regrets, things like that. I guess it is probably normal, as I am about to hit the big 40, and there are so many things I wanted to accomplish by now - and didn't. I also feel my mortality since my father died at 49 and mom died at 53 - on OUR birthday (I was born on hers, and she passed in '93 on our bday.) Kinda makes me both feel like I am running out of time, and also - a determination to outlive my parents.
Not gonna fret though. They say life begins at 40. And this birthday is very special in many ways. For one, like I said, I shared my birthday with my mom. That was very special. After she passed, I found it hard to celebrate for years, until around 2002 I started celebrating again.
Well, I have someone else special to share my birthday with now. I turn 40 April 20th, and Jeff turns 42 April 21st. Here is the really cool part: April 28th is the day we met. So this year, on the 28th we will be celebrating 2 years together.
To top things off: right now we are in negotiations to buy not one, but TWO houses! We were supposed to close on April 16th, but had a couple of issues sidetrack us and now it looks like we will be closing April 30th or May 7th. We'll be renting the 2nd place out (a nice 4 bedroom) and living in the larger place that is - NICE! 5 Bedroom / 3 bath, HUGE living room with 2 brick walls (excellent touch) and a 13' ceiling, with overlooking dining area. 1 bedroom will be the office for Jeff, another will be the workout room (he has a bowflex & Stepper, which I plan to utilize to the max), a guest bedroom, and - the 3rd floor bedroom is HUGE! Aaaaand is also going to be the studio! It also has a full bathroom, and a nice sitting area outside the bedroom. We already have tenants for the 2nd place, we're just waiting for the seller to finish making repairs, and the usual paperwork to go through.
I am majorly excited. Since 1994 I have had a place to live. For the first time in 16 years, I'll have a place I can truly call home.
One other thing I have to throw in here. After years of agony with my right leg, the underlying cause MAY have been found: It's not a pinched nerve, but a BAD nerve! They did a NCS (Nerve Conduction Study) and with the electrodes, couldn't get a reading below the knee. After about 25-30 minutes, the person doing the testing goes and gets the doctor. He asks me "Are you afraid of needles? Like, really big needles?"
"YES!"
"Well, we have to use them anyway. Sorry."
I thought he was kidding, til he started pulling them out.
They stuck one in, wiggled it around in my calf and I'm thinking "Is this being videotaped for a cameo in 'Hostel 3'?" It hurt like hell. Stuck the needle in the other side. Hurt like hell. What was wild was, I guess when the needle was hitting the nerve the machine would make a morse-code type sound.
After digging around in my leg with the needles, they moved up into my thigh. Once they hit the nerve on the inner thigh, the machine went haywire, I started screaming bloody murder and punching the wall.
They stopped.
The Dr said, "We still have 7 more to go, unless you can't handle anymore."
With the last one I said, "I think I'm done for the day."
His reply, "I think we have all the data we need anyway."
I asked him if there was anything he could tell me right off. Then, one word said it all. Neuropathy.
Apparently I have it in my calf and foot, which explains why the bottom of my foot feels like it is on fire all the time, like I am stepping on a hot plate.
Now I am seeing a neurosurgeon and a nerve specialist. The good news is, it looks like they have found the cause of the jolts that shoot up and down my leg, sometimes up thru into my right arm. A bad nerve that is irritated.
The bad news is... there's no real way to fix it. All they can do is try and control the pain through meds. One of my goals for 2010: to get off of pain meds altogether. Now, it's looking like that may not be possible.
I am determined though, and am hopeful they can find alternate treatments for this. However, this is all new to me so... not sure what I am in for. As long as nothing else bad progresses, I believe I can fight this. Though some days I'd just as soon cut off my leg than deal with it anymore but then I'd just be bitching about phantom limb, etc.
Lastly, while I've been reflecting on the 7 years lost on recording, I am proud to have one completed project under my belt (Zombie Epidemic - Soundtrack), and... my birthday will be extra special - as 04-20-10 is also the release date for my new disc,
DEAD COWBOY REBELLION - 7 song ep. This will be the first disc of new material that I've released in almost a decade. Once we get settled in the new house and the studio is set up, I will be recording the full length album for DCR, plus a couple of other projects, including a POP project with an incredible vocalist, and also another soundtrack!
That's all for now. I'm excited to finally be escaping Granite City and its stench, massive hydrocarbons and pollution, and moving to St Louis, Mo. to start a new life. I guess I'm about to find out if it really DOES begin at 40.
Peace,
Carl D
P.S. - Speaking of second guessing, I sometimes think I made a mistake in 'coming out' on here last year when Tony had posted his thread, since a couple of CHeads who 'used to' be friends with me have basically ignored me since. While it bums me out, I'm pretty used to being the 'reject' here so I guess it's nothing new.
Good thing I never mentioned that I prefer bleu cheese dressing to dip my hot wings in instead of ranch. I may lose alot more friends over something that important that has absolutely no effect on their lives. Like when my buddy Marshall wanted nothing to do with me when he found out my favorite color was blue. He just couldn't accept it.
okay, done rambling... for now.
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