Katherinecm
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Posts: 432
Des Moines, IA, USA
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For those of you that don't remember me, I was episodic for a few years, chronic for almost 4, and then had the great luck of going into remission. And when I say remission, they never went away completely but I only had minor shadows, nothing over a KIP4 unless I screwed up and ate something I was allergic to.
I was so happy about it I decided to leave my insurance analyst position and go into neuroscience. Being aware that CH would probably morph eventually and not wanting to end up disabled with $300K in medical school debt I decided to first go into nursing and then work my way through, or maybe do a few years of travel nursing first and save up, then pay cash for medical school. I found a great job in a hospital that will pay for nursing school and even graduate (medical school) if you agree to work for them for a certain number of years.
Everything was going well until one night in November when a feverish violent patient escaped his restraints and assaulted me. I ended up with bone bruises to my face, a severe concussion, and the return of KIP-10's within a few hours.
At first they were limited to a few times a day, but the longer this has gone on the worse things have gotten. For the last few days the hits have been almost nonstop (45 minutes on, 45 minutes off; all KIP-8's & above).
I'm exhausted and over emotional. Nothing works for me really except Lortab 10 (disclaimer for newbies: narcotics don't work for most and should be an absolute last resort. If you've been chronic for less than 3 years there's no way you've had time to try everything else first).
The last time things were this bad in less than a week I started getting suicidal in between hits and not just during them. At that point my neuro suggested I switch to methadone (she said it was safer due to no tylenol) and wait for surgeries to improve. That, quite frankly, scared the hell out of me and I refused.
I don't even take Lortab unless I need a psychological break from the pain because 1) I don't want to develop a tolerance that would mean it would stop working entirely and 2) even though I've never been addicted to anything but sugar, addiction is a very real thing on both sides of my family so I'm sure I have a higher capacity than most to develop a dependence.
My neuro wants to do some IV protocol from someone named Dr Kineke, something with benadryl, toradol, and compazine or reglan. I'm open to trying anything at this point but I haven't been able to get insurance to cover it or get the funds together.
I don't even know why I'm posting this, I'm just so frustrated.
I guess I want to know- for chronics who've gone into remission and then had them return, did you manage to go back into remission? Did something help you to go back into remission? Or do I need to adjust my expectations and accept that these are likely back, probably for years?
Sometimes I think that dashed hopes about getting better are more difficult to deal with than the actual CH. I had so many plans for things I wanted to accomplish, and at this point I may never get to do any of them.
In some ways a relapse is easier than the first time around because I know more about what kind of pain I have to deal with. In other ways it's harder.
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