So normally after a bad attack of my SUNCT I get a few days of relatively low pain and can at least seem to have a normal life. Well the past two days have really sucked even missed a day of work because I could not drive due to pain but I am hoping that this will be a good weekend relatively speaking. I reserved a hotel room in Sausalito CA for the Art and Wine Festival for my girlfriend and I and I am hoping I paid up front and will get to enjoy the $400 I just paid for two nights in the hotel for us. I am my own worst enemy most of the time pushing myself to far to try and pretend to have a normal life, last night I was still far from a 100% and I forced myself to go play tennis with my girlfriend and walking the mile back from the tennis courts I was wondering if I was going to collapse, I was really out of it and just pushed myself to far but I do that all the time. I am very afraid that Nancy will get tired of dealing with this crap if I don’t push myself, I mean come on who the hell would want to be with someone that turns in to a hermit for two years at a time and is only normal one year out of every three? That is my life so I push and push hard to let the monster in my head know I am not going down without a fight and that he does not rule my life I do, well most of the time I do, he does tend to put me in my place like the past two days when he wants. Yes I have talked to her about my fear and she says she is in for the long hall and would not leave me because of these headaches but and there is always a but, isn’t there? If I did give in to them and did become a hermit like I was my last two year cycle I would be the last to blame her for not wanting any part of it and I guess that is what really bothers me is not that she would leave but that I would understand and not blame her one bit for doing it, just hope it never happens. Yes just having my own little pity party, sorry about that guys but I know you will all understand and many of you have lost someone because they could not cope with the pain we have to deal with just wish we all had the same choice and could walk away from the pain but alas we do not have that chose and no choise but to deal.

Offer ya love and prayers Matt......hoping for the best for ya!

Joe

Well I did get a bit if a break and did enjoy the Art and Wine Festival and the live music but seems I am paying the price today but much better today than over the weekend. Hope everyone else got there PF time over the weekend.

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Happy for ya Matt.

Charlie

BigMatt wrote on Sep 7^th, 2010 at 11:18am:


From someone who adores both of those things, I'm glad you got a bit of a break!!

It was a good three days but I have been paying for it since and I am miserable right now. I barely made it to work and probably should not have driven to work but I take to many days off sick time off already and do not want to lose my job so I came in but not happy about being here right now. My head is killing me and I feel like crap, I am also depressed as hell and think if this keeps up I am going to have to start seeing a shrink again but I do not want to take more friggen pills! This would be so easy if only I had no family or friends and no one who would miss me, but I do a lot of people so I drudge on.
I was thinking yesterday about how much I miss feeling like normal, but in the last 8 years I have been like this in plain 5 of those 8 so this is my normal now and being healthy is not, what a pleasant realization that was and that did not help the depressed mood I am in right now, dam this sucks.