Hi again everyone, I have chronic cluster headaches and I have had pretty good success at aborting headaches through several methods but I am also finding myself in a really odd position.

I work outdoors as basically a project manager for large landscape projects.  This includes irrigation, lighting, hardscapes, etc, etc.  Most of the time I can put myself to work and fend off the headaches through activity.  Unfortunately, one of my greatest triggers seems to be when I have to meet with a client on a property and brainstorm with them.  Meetings, going over plans, guiding employees, anything that relates to really strategizing seems to really bring about shadows and often times I find myself trying to cut these meetings short and get right back to what im doing.  The bottom line is, I can't just stop what im doing everytime these headaches come and go huff oxygen for 15 minutes.  Im to chronic for that and it would probably cause me to have to do it 3 times a day which is difficult to explain when people are counting on you to oversee something.  If I catch them early, I pound a red bull and many times it's ok.  That being said, there have been countless times where it's not enough and I find myself doing push ups (it actually works for me to just go hardcore on push ups, sometimes 10 sets of 40 in 10 minutes) in front of a commercial project or at a residence like some type of freak.

Im not trying to thump my chest, but I am aware of my situation, so 90 percent of the time I work like a man possessed and work circles around everyone with me.  The main reason I feel obligated to do this is because I know there is going to be that 10 percent of the time where I am completely helpless and simply can't function and I don't want people to get the wrong impression that I am just some hypochondriac that is looking for a reason to go hide.

Nevertheless, there is never a good time to have to call your boss and say "im going to have disappear for an hour or so, I can't function".  I don't care how forgiving your boss is, they have to have someone they can count on and I can't blame them.  Everyone I have ever worked with says I am freakish about the amount of work I do.  I have never been fired, but it's hard to ask for a raise or really build a strong foundation when you feel like someone can always hold this bullsh*t disorder over your head.

Long story I know, but I find myself inching towards just going self employed.  Theoretically it sounds great, but realistically it's going to be a monster challenge.  CH costs me a lot of money every month to begin with and im insured.  I know it's about to get much higher.  I am somewhat curious about anyone who might get some form of disability income because of this beast.  I have seen people far less disabled than me reap these benefits.

[/quote]
   You lookin for advice or are you lookin for a disability check?

            Potter [/quote]

lol, well I guess they coincide with what im asking.  I don't truly want disability and I don't want to quit working.  Working is what makes me feel alive, but the problem is in the real world it's very hard to work for an employer when you have a chronic disorder.  Hell, it's going to be very hard to work for myself as well.  Im not asking for the government to pave my way, im just curious as to their being any form of assistance to those who want to work, but also have a real life issue that dictates their ability to participate 100 percent of the time.

I do not know about the disability issue. Have you explored any of the preventative meds out there? Lithium at 1200 mg a day blocks 60-70% of my hits. Verapamil is a very popular prevent as is Topomax. Many chronics find success with the "chronic cocktail" combining the lithium and the verapamil.

Lastly.....go to  clusterbusters.com      "alternative" treatments which are showing awesome results for episodics and chronics.

Hang in there.

Joe

The downside of going self-employed will be having to get your own health insurance, if you can. And even if you do, your benefits will likely be less than they are today.

So many sufferers can get relief in 5-10 minutes using oxygen. If your doctor hasn't discussed that with you, bring it up to him/her. And Joe mentioned some preventative medications that help very many people.  With those tools you should be in better shape for work. Dont' let CH control your life.

The good news is you've stumbled accross a site full of people who know what it is you're going through, and can appreciate the struggles you're going through. Most of us have been there...it sucks. Hang in there, don't let beasty win an inch from you!!

Joe

SportsFan1 wrote on Sep 19^th, 2010 at 10:11pm:

What you are looking for is a "common sense" solution/aid to your problem, you should know by now that you will never find that with our Government.    I've been self employed since May, I've bought two O2 tanks that's my health care program.

You didn't mention what you do for a prevent.  That would be the first thing I would attack.  No, you will not get any sort of help from the government if you can work, so you do need to look at all alternatives very carefully.

Self-employment can be very good, but if you have trouble dealing with stress and meeting with clients to plan projects forget it.  As a self-employed business owner that will be one of the primary things you will be doing.  You won't have the luxury of a boss to do all of the business prospecting you will have to do in order to get the work.  It isn't just about doing the work itself.  You have to go out and find it.  My son is a good example of that.  He is an excellent carpenter and is well versed in several of the other trades.  He chafed under working for others because he felt like he wasn't making what he should for what he did, so he went on his own.  He is doing very well, but now finds himself spending a lot of time meeting with clients, doing estimates, discussing estimates, drawing plans, etc, and much less time doing what he really loves: doing the work. 

I'm not suggesting you don't go on your own.  I'm just saying weigh the options very carefully.  You've already been given great advice from several that I can't add much to.

Back to the preventatives:  Although I can't use them for personal reasons I would strongly suggest you look into clusterbusters.  You will have to make your own decision as to whether or not you can go that route, but it has been very successful for a number of people.  If I could that is the route I would go.  If that is not the route for you may I suggest you try Kudzu as a preventative.  I've been nearly pain free for 6 weeks and a day now that I've upped my dosage.  I've had some heavy shadows that I've been able to work through, and have had to hit three 5hr Energy's during that time, where I had been hitting about 2 a day plus O2 a couple of times a day.

All the best,
Jerry

I know, I know..In my opening post I certainly did acknowledge that meeting with clients and brainstorming is a trigger.  To clarify, it seems to be the overload of covering all ends of the spectrum.  When I meet with these people it's generally because my boss has had shortcomings that he didn't live up to and then I have to go in and smooth them over.  I have to do this while balancing a ridiculous budget that isn't flexible because my boss wants to "please" the client but do so at no expense.  Over the years, my patience has grown low and my trigger response has increase.  Over the course of the past 6 months, I have been doing a lot of contracting work on my own and I play by different rules.  I have had great success in not being triggered because I don't go in feeling overwhelmed.  I feel like I actually have control and I thrive on it.  So far so good on all fronts there.  Obviously, sitting in front of a computer all day brings on some issues when it comes time to do billing, designing and scheduling.  But when I do it as self employed I feel much more relaxed and not under the gun.  Basically, the guy I work with now is very unrealistic.  Unfortunately, he dumps all of this on me and says "handle it".  I find myself having to make promises that I know we can't live up to and I think it really has basically become a situation where I manifest some of my own headaches because I am so damn mentally stressed feeling I have zero control, but forced to make decisions and promises with little leeway.  Couple that with the fact that I have to run all the crews, do all the machine work, run our shop, and often times I have to do any labor that is to specific for our general laborers.  In some ways Im often to busy to think about ch, but the second I have to go into a meeting it all comes full circle and I feel like "here I am meeting with these people and im wasting valuable time and having to bullsh*t my way out of a paper bag". 

I know it seems like any reasonable person would say why the hell are you working for this guy for.  Unfortunately, I have learned from the ground up from him in all phases and honestly contracting is a tough gig and he certainly isn't the only one in my industry that unloads all of their burdens on their project managers.  The bottom line is, im at the top rung of the ladder.  That is why self employment is the next step.  I can go no higher in my industry without simply moving into the boss position.  Obviously, there are some pitfalls, but I feel like the freedom and flexibility in some areas really will help.

Im not using any preventatives.  I did go through some for a few years, one of which was making me worse and the doctor was like "well you are going to have that for a while".  I basically lost a lot of faith in medicine.  Have had great success with pounding red bull and strenuous exercise upon immediate heavy shadowing and in many cases the exercise works even in full blown attacks.  But It's simply not that realistic anymore.  I spend far to much money on red bull and I do way to many push ups and curls at 2:00 in the morning or on sight during the day lol.  I guess I truly need to look into a preventive again, but last time I felt like my doctor made it worse and I guess it made me gunshy about medicine.

SportsFan1 wrote on Sep 20^th, 2010 at 7:39pm:

  You really haven't told us much except that you can do alot of push ups.   Get on that oxygen tank sitting in your shop.

            Potter

I feel your pain! I ran my own (contracting) business for many years, but due to some situations out of my control, I had to fold up and go back to work for another company, working my way back to the "top rung" as you call it. Just over a year ago I lost my job and have been forced back into self-employment doing contract work. There are definate benefits to both. I remember when I had closed my business and was interviewing with companies, I was literally sitting in an interview and got a hit, had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom and do an Imitrex injection. It was then that I realized, working for someone else and getting them to understand my situation was not going to be easy. However, I've been blessed in that my work has never forced me to sit in an office for hours and days on end. I could always find a reason to have to visit a jobsite or go see a supplier, etc. and go deal with the beast!

The insurance thing is a bummer. My Cobra expired a few months ago and no one will write me a policy because of my medical history, i.e. back, clusters, etc. Where is Mr. Obama's Insurance reform when I need it! If you do go it on your own, expect a HUGE increase in premiums and make sure you can even get it!

I feel exactly as you about the disability. I wish there were some kind of assistance, as I'm not ready, nor am I of the age, where I want to throw in the towel! But there are days when you just sit back and say WTF!

Sorry for the long post, but I truly understand exactly what you're going through. Keep me posted on your progress.

Red

I'm trying for more graditude these days. I recommend it for anyone and wish to spread it.
Peace
and
GO STEELERS

Attitude is a HUGE part of dealing with the beast Cupper, I like yours!

Joe

(ps..it's the Chargers year! )

or a wild idea would be to find other clusterheads in your wider area who are in a similar situation and maybe do somthing of your own?