I think I'm on the brink of losing my job I think but no one wants to even give me theirs thoughts. Three yrs ago it startedwith my headaches, I was approved for FMLA for that, for the first time ever I had back to back episodes. I was constantly leaving work and of course the rumor mill kicked in that I was full of it and just wanted time off so I'd blame my head. That in turn triggered severe anxiety (I am also dx'd bipolar/ADHD/manic depressive) which caused more time off. Without the headaches I would be in the office and someone would make a comment, my personal favorite, 'I wish I had the luxury of going home whenever I wanted' and that would trigger the panic and out the door I'd go. The more I was gone the more I worried and had more anxiety. Now three yrs later, my supervisor, that by the grace of god I was lucky to work for, is now gone. That happened when I was out on STD. The company was basically forced to allow me to work from home as it's considered a privilege and there are certain requirements. Now that I'm back to working though it's one thing after another, what I'm doing wrong, what they THINK I'm doing wrong, why am I doin something the way I am, and on and on it goes. I have exhausted my FMLA until March 2011, and to top it off my clusters are back full force. I am over the allowed amount of unplanned time off and was written up less than a week after returning to a new supervisor who is close with my manager who was scrutinizing my every move even before I went on STD. (BTW, I have never been written up at any previous employer ever) I'm at my wits end. I contacted my HR department who told me to talk to my sup. That didnt change the fact when I called her crying from the pain, to gets her feelings on if I were to ake a couple hours, would I be fired, that I heard the distinct telltale 'beep' of the monitoring device on the other end. I don't know what to do at this point I'm in such an ungodly amount of pain and up against leaders that wanted to see me go months and months ago, with no support. and it all started with the headaches which I now have back to haunt me... What do you do when you can't cry any more and your head hurts so bad that you can't see options...

I recognize and understand your problems.  At this point all I can say is continue doing your job to the best of your ability.  You cannot control what others think or do, you are only responsible for your own actions.  I'm not being unsympathetic, but you gave very little for us to base any constructive advice on.

You didn't say what meds you are currently using, have tried, has worked, has not worked, etc.  Are you on O2?  At 25 lpm I can kill a hit within 5-8 mins.  If you were to do that you would be back on the job in less time than a coffee break.  I know, you say easier said than done.  However, there are quite a few of us here who do just that.  Some of us have been chronic for years and years and have still maintained jobs.  Some of us have had to change jobs.  Some of us are underemployed, but for the most part we have learned to live with the beast and live between the hits without letting it control our lives, which (I'm not being critical) it sounds from your post you are. 

Please give us a bit more to work with.  I assure you, you have found a family that will do all it can to help you back on your feet, but you have to carry your part of the load.  Venting is allowed, even welcomed.  Whining is not.  You are not whining, but having a defeated attitude leads to whining, so pick your chin up.  You aren't whipped yet!  We'll do all we can to help.

Jerry

I sorry your right I didn't think to add the rx's I've tried and I apologize if I sound like poor me, your absolutely right,
there are much worse cases than mine and my heart Ora out to all of you who have to push through it everyday. I have tried the O2 treatments when I was in the ER on all 3 separate occasions but it didn't seem to help, but I'm willing to revisit it. I have tried a laundry list of rx's there were a couple I didn't recognize that I will bring to my provider, I've done biofeedback,acupuncture,massage and chiropractic tx. Does that help a little?

I second what Kevin said, with one caveat.  The oxygen info on the left talks about 15 lpm.  I found it did not work well for me either, and I quit using it for about 4 yrs.  A little over a year ago I was talked into trying it again at 25 lpm, and I can now kill a hit withing 5*8 mins in most cases.  Some go even higher than that.  I suggest you search the site for posts on oxygen use by Batch.  He has dome some very good studies on oxygen use, and is our resident expert.  If you don't find what you need find one of his posts and PM him.  He is very good about explaining proper usage.

Please don't think I was being critical!  We all get down at times and NEED to vent!  You were not whining.  Had you been I would have addressed you much differently!  It is just very easy to slip over the edge of a pity party and wallow in our pain.  Life is to short for that, and I just wanted to be sure you don't go that route.  We are here to help, encourage, support and whatever else you need to get back on your feet.  We'll do all you will let us do.

Another prevent you might look into if you have trouble with Verap is Kudzu.  It is an herbal that is over the counter and relatively inexpensive.  I've used it for years after having probs with Verap and Lithium in combo.  I get the same or better results without the side effects.  Search the site for posts on Kudzu, or if you don't find them PM me and I'll be happy to make suggestions.

Jerry

Edit to add:  Another possible treatment method that I hesitate to mention given your emotional difficulties is Clusterbusters.  check out Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or Many have gotten relief using that method, but I would talk it over with some of the more knowledgeable members over there before trying it as it can have emotional and psychological side effects when one already has issues he is dealing with.  Be very careful to do your due diligence before pursuing that method.

Micskatana wrote on Dec 14^th, 2010 at 11:24pm:


Just checking - is that the injectible form of imitrex? (There's a real consensus amongst CH'ers 'round here that it's the most effective form for CH, with the pill form generally regarded as not effective).

Pain doesn't mix with any job but it's something we have to do.

I'm more concerned with your coping mechanisms and support system or lack there of.

You deal with a major mood disorder and adhd on top of clusters...There are meds that treat bi-polar that are used off label for CH and the same goes for adhd....

Where are you from?
depending where you live there are some amazing headache specialists who may be able to treat both for you and guide you in dealing with the "panic"

Good luck