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monster

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I feel like a monster

Posts: 32
Boise,Idaho
Gender: male

i get so tired of this crap
Dec 26^th, 2010 at 5:39am

just coming down from my 0230 hit and it once again i sit alone with my dog and o2/trex and energy drink. ttook a walk out on the cold night air with what snow we have left. i have a supporter (fiance')(someone actually wants to be with me and the monster imagine my surprise) but didn't want to wake her. I am tired of fighting this beast by myself but yet do nothing to change it. i want help but never ask for it. i always say no i am okay just let me do battle, she feels pretty helpless she tells me, i sarcasticly say join the club.
p.s. i apologize profusely afterwords Embarrassed

. no point to this just rambling i guess

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"God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind.
Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at you. It's your choice: Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick."

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Bob Johnson

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"Only the educated are
free." -Epictetus

Posts: 5965
Kennett Square, PA (USA)
Gender: male

Re: i get so tired of this crap
Reply #1 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 6:10am

You are surely not alone in your responses--but that doesn't change anything, does it?

Your P.S. and the ending quotation is the real issue. Perhaps it would be worth it to work on these feelings before you can hope to get ahold of of the Clusters.

Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!! You need to

or

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Bob Johnson

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monster CH.com Alumnus Offline I feel like a monster Posts: 32 Boise,Idaho Gender:	Re: i get so tired of this crap Reply #2 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 6:21am very nicely put Bob. i printed the link you provided. thank you!!!!!
Back to top	"God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind. Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at you. It's your choice: Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick." IP Logged

Guiseppi CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline San Diego to Florida 05-16-2011 Posts: 12063 SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA USA Gender:	Re: i get so tired of this crap Reply #3 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 10:02am We all hit the down point you're in now, it just sucks. I'd suggest you read the other post Bob just put up, the CH manifesto. As close to a "living life with CH instruction book" as I've ever seen! Hang in there. Joe
Back to top	"Somebody had to say it" is usually a piss poor excuse to be mean. IP Logged

bejeeber

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Posts: 1359
Gnashville
Gender: male

Re: i get so tired of this crap
Reply #4 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 11:56am

Well glad to hear that you're well armed with the abortives and fighting back fiercely at least.

I believe I saw in one of your other posts that you are in a chronic state and the preventative meds aren't working all that great?

If you haven't seen mention of it yet, there is a rapidly growing number of CH'ers (including a very high percentage of chronics for whom meds have stopped working) who have found the natural busting treatment to be an effective preventative. Kind of like God throwing a brick that reads "YOOHOO I've grown something here right at your feet that will help you - why ya still pumping yourself in vain full of toxic man made pharmaceutical preventatives?"

This Newsweek article on the subject of busting for CH makes a good introduction I think if you haven't seen it yet: Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!! You need to

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CH according to Bejeeber:

Strictly relying on doctors for CH treatment is often a prescription that will keep you in a whole lot of PAIN. Doctors are WAY behind in many respects, and they are usually completely unaware of the benefits of high flow 100% O2.

There are lots of effective treatments documented at this site. Take matters into your own hands, learn as much as you can here and at clusterbusters.com, put it into practice, then tell this CH beast Jeebs said hello right before you bash him so hard with a swift uppercut knockout punch that his stupid horns go flinging right off.

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Emma_s

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Wishing PF time for everyone
x

Posts: 65
United Kingdom
Gender: female

Re: i get so tired of this crap
Reply #5 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 12:26pm

I used to keep as lot of my feelings away from my fiance, who really is my biggest support. It wasn't until recently that I actually showed him my diary and although he never realised how bad I felt (I don't complain a lot, only to myself!!) it is so much better.

I think the posts and links which people have suggested to you are invaluable. This forum and its community really helped me when my cycle began in late 2009.

PFDAN x

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MDR CH.com Old Timer Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 265 Elysburg Pa. Gender:	Re: i get so tired of this crap Reply #6 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 1:20pm I here you Monster Ive felt like you for over cant remember to long hope you get some relief. Mark chronic over 12 or so years I take no meds.
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monster

CH.com Alumnus

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I feel like a monster

Posts: 32
Boise,Idaho
Gender: male

Re: i get so tired of this crap
Reply #7 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 3:04pm

yes i am chronic and normaly fight a good fight, i have top notch demand valve for my o2 of which i scream loud of its effectivness but usually need 1/2 dose trex etc etc.
i guess it was just late and i was tired. i have tried shrooms from a reliable source once or twice but i live in idaho where it is illegal not that , that would stop me and they worked really well, but no resource to continue.
I am doing better mentally and my fiance' is trained well so to speak.
by people on this board plus we will get her signed up on the board so she has an outlet here.
overall i activly listened to all the good links and will try to put some in place. so thanks for letting whine a little, my chin is up again till the next battle. Grin

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« Last Edit: Dec 26^th, 2010 at 3:05pm by monster »

"God whispers in your soul and speaks to your mind.
Sometimes when you don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at you. It's your choice: Listen to the whisper, or wait for the brick."

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Callico

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Author of "Stranded at
Romson's Lodge

Posts: 4916
Aurora IL
Gender: male

Re: i get so tired of this crap
Reply #8 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 3:56pm

You were not whining! Whining is when you continue in a self-centered woe is me fashion without looking for the effect on others. You were venting valid emotions and thoughts that needed release. That is why we are here! We understand and can empathize with you without pitying you. Whining looks for pity. Venting looks for support. You got it, and now you are able to pick your chin back up and go on living. Come here and vent when needed. We'll apply the boot where needed as needed if you start to whine.

Definitely get your fiance' on board here! If she will come and participate she will be able to support you better and not feel so helpless, and at the same time will not get in your way as you deal with the beast. Give her a big hug from us for being there for you and for staying around! To many leave. Sad

Jerry

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"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of dung by the clean end." Texas A&M Student (unknown)

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MattB

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I Love CH.com!

Posts: 10
St Louis, MO
Gender: male

Re: i get so tired of this crap
Reply #9 - Dec 26^th, 2010 at 5:23pm

I had someone that waffled between sympathy and helplessness and irritation. Your partner gets frustrated that they can do nothing to help. You get frustrated because you want help and you know there is nothing anyone can do for you. All i needed was for her to put her hand on mine and say nothing. Just let me know you are there and will be and i am not fighting this fight alone. Many times (up to and including yesterday - so i still fight this fight) i climb up on the ole pity pot and ask why me - well, why not me? Who the hell am I? This is who i am, like it or not - and it will be question #1 when i get through the gate upstairs - but until then i just gotta accept this is how i was made - like it or not.
It's hard not to apologize for an attack when it affects your loved ones - and there is nothing wrong with you telling them that you see how they feel when you are in pain.

ok then - now THAT was rambling....

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you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? - the joker

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