Well I've had 4 pain free nights  but have noticed the appearance of 'shadows', 2 yesterday and 4 today, I'm assuming they are shadows as I feel as if the 'beast' is about to enter my life again. 
I hate the feeling of not wanting to go to bed because I know whats going to happen
I hate this.....I hate everything about it
I hate the fact that I know I'm going to be hammering my head on the floor at 3am (I'm in UK time!!) and that i want to pull my teeth out and poke my eye out.
this time though I know I can say all of this on here and not be judged or told "its only a headache" Rant over!
4 months to go until I'm reviewed by my neurologist. I'm keeping a diary, I have done for a year now but have now started noting the 'shadows' I haven't been able to identify any patterns or triggers yet but I'll keep gathering info even if its just for my own benefit!!!

I understand just how you feel.  I started the week prior to Christmas but was in total denial.  I would not let myself believe that what was happening was the Clusters were about to enter into my life once again and the "Beast" had found me.

Here's the funny thing even when your not in pain Clusters are always in your life.  Yes we come here and vent, cry, yell and ask questions when we are in pain and once the pain fades away we continue with our life. But let's face it, we will and always will worry when is the next cycle coming?  Can I plan long term to take a trip or go away.  Then time goes by and as the days, months then years if we are lucky go by without the shadows or the hits we become cocky only to be put back in our place when once again the "Beast" knocks on our door then we remember that we always live in fear or next time.

I have not ever found my trigger.  My cycles don't come the same time every year.  They don't even come the same time every so many years.  I don't smoke and only have an occasional glass of wine.  My cycles have been.


Nov 95
Nov 98
July 02
Feb 07
Dec 10  I'm in cycle now and I hope it will end by the week of Feb 14  I have 6-8 week cycles

This is truly a "One day at a time"

May this hit be a milder one for you and may you find many PF days and nights.  If not we all understand what you are going through.

Sami

Hey, it's ONLY a headache!   Good on you for keeping the diary.  I've had them so long I don't bother anymore, but would probably need to if I were to go back to a Neuro.  After the last couple I just used my GP who would give me whatever I said I needed (O2) and would ask how they were doing, if I wanted to try anything else, etc.  Now I have a new GP  and I don't know how he is going to be to work with.  I know what I need to do though, so I'm not worried about it.

Jerry