F*** that illness that deprive me of my sleep.   F*** that illness that pushed me towards alcohol and drugs then detoxification.  F*** that illness that had me loose my wife, my house, my work and pushed me to the limits.  Tonight I'm hit like never.  I know I'm not alone.  I know you are there and suffer the same.  I'm invalid now.  Maybe some of you are?  Ok, I love O2 but I don't know how much more I can take right now.  I MUST SLEEP!
I'm pacing all nights and days, taking O2 and fearing to go to sleep, even with a F****** sleeping pills.  And what's more, it brought upon me psychosis and depression...  I'm tempted to go the alcohol way but even that IS NOT POSSIBLE 
Excuse me for this message.  I know I should not complain but hell, that's the way it is tonight.  I need to write it down even if my English is piss poor.  It's the only place I know here that knows about CH.  And I'm angry... yes, that's it.  Angry and...  I will stop there.  Good night Folks.  Someone I know who suffered the same illness did the final move...  a rifle bullet in the head.  He could not stand it anymore.  He was know by my family...  Damn, the whole city.  He seemed... well.  Now, plus I have to live with not nearly enough money, live with the pain, I also have to reassure my family about not killing myself.  Too much weight on my shoulder.  And when I call for help, when I'm really at the end of the ropes they say "oh! A migraine! Just lie down in the dark, take two aspirin and relax".
I'm sorry but...
[insert something here not very polite]
Moderators you can delete this message I don't care at all.  Just needed to tell someone or write to the great void.  Right now I have a Kip 10 waiting behind the right eye. 
End of communication, going for O2 once again.

...and when you're ready (it certainly seems like you might be), go to:

Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

and start reading.

Pomodoro, I'm going to take a major risk here and try to address a different part of your psyche...the part that still recognizes you are separate from and not defined by your disease(s), symptoms or handicaps. I am concerned because it seems to me you are beginning to equate these with who you are, rather than what is happening to you. This is a dangerous road and one that can lead to places you need not go. You have CHs; but they are separate from who you are. You are experiencing depression; but depression, and its emotional thought processes, need not dictate your decision making. I get you feel desperate; we all have from time to time. But I urge you to depersonalize what you are experiencing, enclose the symptoms and see them (not the medications, not the misunderstanding family and friends) as the true enemy to be defeated. It may not sound like much but our body will respond to our self-talk and the emotions we feed and give ourselves permission to feel. When it hurts the most get the most angry at the Beast, and the pain, not outside agencies. This is what it takes to surive and triumph in any disaster or crisis. Am praying for you. Blessings. lance

Thinking of you... and hoping that today is better.


Jeannie

There is nothing more that I can say that has not already been said so beautifully by Lance.

I learned when the beast has gone that to ask why is not going to get you a answer.  There is no why me only how can I get through today.  This is the difference between a mind that is clear and a mind that is preoccupied with pain.

You can and you will.  I can and I have.  If it wasn't for this site a couple of years ago I don't think I would be here today. 

We care about you and we welcome you with open arms and together we will give you the strength to get through another day.

Blessed Be,
Sami

Keep kickin

Akash,
ole buddy, ole pal. Clusterbusters.com
Hang tough. I have for 32 years. It dont kill you. You just have to get your timing and treatments down.
CH can be managed and lived with. I have proof. You have to the strength, use it.
the bb

Akash wrote on Feb 15^th, 2011 at 2:34pm:


Take thebbz's advice, my friend. And shift your point of aim a bit. Too many of us are looking for "the cure." Our prayer is that research will uncover this cure for all of us. But in the meantime, the real focus needs to be on managing both the attacks and the pain. And this can be done.

Think of it as a daily/epsodic visit by a sadistic torturer, who keeps asking us questions we don't understand, kinda like in the movie Running Man. "Is it safe?" and no matter what we say, it's the questioning itself, and the torture that follows, that saps our soul, because we have no good or right answer. But if we decide to survive...to endure...to battle...and to keep focus on the torturer and not the "why" of it...we will find a way.

That's what we are doing here. Like prisoners who share a common and beastly torturer, we whisper around the cell block of our pain and say, "psst...the next time he comes around, try..." and this is our highest form of resistance.

Anyone remember the picture of the little mouse, standing with ears and tail drooping, badfinger upraised against the predator eagle swooping down to eat him...and it's called, The Last Great Act of Defiance. When it hurts the most, that's sometimes the best I can do...but I do it with all my heart and strength.

As Joe says, CH sufferers suffer less when they know more. Build your knolwledge base and be willing to try the stuff we have found works for us. Keep as many irons in the fire as you can, bullets in the gun (metaphorically) and when the beast comes 'round, take aim and fire with whatever you've got. Huff O2, bust, fuss, try new meds, whatever...but fight the real enemy and not yourself. Blessings. lance

Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!!  You need to or

Our sister board. Here they speak freely of the stuff you're asking. A great deal of experience over there in all aspects of the route you're looking into.

Hang in there.

Joe

Quote:


I have never done.. or had any of these.  Been chronic for 24 yrs.  I may have missed your point in asking.  What was it? 

Akash wrote on Feb 17^th, 2011 at 5:10pm:

I experimented in college, have had two root canals and a bridge, was diagnosed with tmj in the mid-90's, and just took an immodium yesterday.

wimsey1 wrote on Feb 18^th, 2011 at 8:11am:

Yes. But not last night.

Echo that sentiment starlight, and thanks for saying that...
Credit where Credit is due to you Guys (and Gals) on here.
This place and peeps here change a lot of lives for the better (and probably SAVE a few on the way too)

Deep Respect

Gary