My grandson (Caleb age 9) - some of you know him.. has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) a disease that's being "studied" - kinda like CH. It's still a mystery, but it is a DISEASE.

It affects families BIG TIME and we're all feeling the effects of it. Medication (regarless of what you've heard) is not the total answer - it helps some, but ...

For years Caleb went UNdiagnosed and was just written off as a "bad kid" and no one could do much with him - he just "went off" without notice (he has "violent spells"). Finally a doctor diagnosed him properly and we got him on medication and he's settled down - some (we still have violent spells, but are working on that one).

The school system in LA did NOT help matters - they beratted him instead of trying to "help" him and he lived up to their expectations (they told him how "dumb" he was and he proceeded to "fail" everything)... Finally, a year ago we moved him to TX and a school where the teachers actually KNEW something about ADHD and began to "praise" instead of berate. We found out his IQ is VERY high and now he's on the "A" honor roll and at the top of his class.

But he needs couseling for the ANGER and his social skills (this is a really big problem) and the kids insurance doesn't see that and won't pay for it. Just give him some pills - he'll be fine. NO HE WON'T. I'm so damn mad about that I could spit (sound familiar?)

ADHD is a disability (some research showed me that) and he is eligible for SS and medical help. But it's a hassel to get it. Right now I'm doing research and getting records together to apply for it for him.

We all want our kids and grandkids to be "perfect" and when they're not - it hurts so bad. This is something that's not going away and he'll probably have to live with it the rest of his life. But like CH - it can be controlled with lots of help and support and a hellalot of patience.

I have a friend who's daughter has been thru this and she's been a godsend to me. I know I'll get thru this (as will my kids - Caleb's parents who are coming out of denial right now) but it's really tearing this family up right now. We're all on edge and stressed out totally.

I see similarities to CH - doctors don't know a lot about it and just give pills as a rememdy - we, luckily, have changed doctors and have one who is offering "other" advice on it, but she's not really up to date unless ASKED about things and then she just AGREES (after I do the research). Sound familiar? they're not really sure what causes this - there is no test for it and they don't know how to treat it -- every kid is different... the meds are trial and error... Good grief -- I feel like I've been thru this nightmare before... 

Anyhow I just needed a shoulder ... I know we'll get thru it and Caleb will deal with it (he's a tuff kid), but right now, Granny is stressed out. I just needed to "dump" and came here to do it... ya'll have always been here ... 

From Vegas we're sending out love, hugs and kisses to you Barbara, Caleb, and all your family. You will be remembered in our thoughts and prayers.

We understand your love for the little guy and if you need to dump, just go ahead and unload.

Mel - we do watch the sugar (and yes, he "sneaks" sweets periodically, but for the most part is sugar free) and dyes (red is a trigger)... coffee calms him down (figure that one).

And Josh - yes to most of your questions (and I'm not taking anything personal - I don't do that) at first we thought "He's just a boy, and 'busy".." Then the "destruction" started and the "outbursts with the 'violence'" and it was time to see about that.

But I don't believe any kid is "born" bad. From the research I've done on ADHD this is something in their brain that just don't click exactly right. With meds they can focus (sometimes too well to the extent that they can't "unfocus").

We fought the meds for years, but now wish we'd started them sooner. But each kid is different and responds different so it's just hit and miss with what works.

Having spent so many years dealing with CH, I guess I'm a little more patient with this than my kids are. They want an "instant" cure and there just isn't one... And Caleb knows he's "different" and doesn't want to be - that's what is sad... but he's dealing with it pretty well (except at times).

I'm not sure it's not heriterity.. he has an uncle (the youngest of the Henderson clan) who is STILL this way (I can remember him as a little boy doing some of the things that Caleb is doing today - only we didn't have  name for it back 50+ years ago - he was just a spoiled BRAT!). He's spent his life going from job to job - not focusing too long at a time... he can blow up without provocation (still) and cannot be still for over 5 minutes at any time that I can remember. His twin sister is a PhD and a professor at U of MD - guess she got the "calm" genes. 

Anyhow - all the research shows - they really don't know what causes this and don't know what to do about it at this time... but are working on it...

Both of my boys(twins) were diagnosed ADHD when they were 3 years old and put on medication for it.  They literally bounced off the walls and were failing e verything.  The teachers in the public schools couldn't do anything with them.  We pulled them out and put them in a very small perochial school that had lots of structure and discapline.  They were taken off all meds and thrived and got great grades. I am glad that you have seen good results for your Caleb.  Some teachers just dont have patience for this and want a pill to cure kid instead of  giving the child the attention and activity he needs.

As a teacher and a clinician I was trained that the burden is on us not the child. Yes children/students have responsibility that they need to learn but it is us that needs to teach them. It is us that needs to figure out how they learn.

Children will do well if they can and will do what they know.
If what they know is not what we want them to know then we must change how we teach so that they can learn what is needed.

I'm not sure about texas' educational laws however here in NY and in CT a child with a disabilty that presents with behavioral issues whether it be "outbursts" or just difficulty in remaining on task should have on their IEP not just your generic modifications which should be individualized but many times are not but they should have a Behavior consultant or a Board Certified Behavior Analyst like myself assigned to the case to facilitate his learning (academic, social/emotional and overall behavior)

good luck and look into it. I'll try while in treatment today

oxoxox

Eric

My son was ADHD when he was younger.

I raised him on my own from the age of 15 months when his mother walked out on us (long story). When he was 4 years old we moved back to America from England, I was in the Air Force at the time, and we were living quite a distance from my family. By the age of 5/6 I was telling my older sister that I thought he had ADHD, but she said he was 'just a boy'. Then we visited home and she spent a week with him. 'Wow! That boy has ADHD!!' was her general reaction.

The doctors didn't want to diagnose him that young though back then, so we had to wait another year or two.

He grew out of it, and the little red pills helped, although I kept his dose low and only when needed, like during school.

I understand music really helps, like learning the piano. My son is REALLY into music now, wish I'd gotten him into it earlier, but I never was into music much. But I have a friend who swears by teaching ADHD kids piano. Yes, specifically piano. It takes concentration, and there are lots of keys to learn, and it makes noise, and it really appeals to them, apparently. And most of all, is calming.

Good luck, and lots of *hugs*

Renée

I don't know anything about ADHD to be honest, but I think that kids in general need alot of structure and boundaries. The extra-curricular activities are good too - I found that keeping the girls busy helped them to focus  better. Of course not too busy, they still needed time to just play. But besides the ADHD going on, if Caleb is 13 you have hormones kicking in and that probably contributes to the emotional outbursts.

I agree that piano could be really good for him. Or guitar. Tell him that if he learns to play music he'll be able to Jam with the others at future gatherings! Music is also something nobody can ever take away from him. And...girls dig it,

Hugs Barb.

Music sounds like a winner. Right now I'm looking for a guitar teacher for him. I wanted him to take piano lessons, but he wants to play the guitar so (picking my battles) I guess the guitar it will be. Just have to find a teacher cause I don't play the guitar (don't even play the piano well and it needs tuning).

I'd forgotten, but when I was that age, I could loose myself for hours on end with my piano.. Mom always said she could tell when I was upset - she'd hear the piano going strong.

What's the old saying, "Music soothes the savage beast." I just hadn't thought about it in connection with ADHD... and summer is almost here - sounds like a project for summer (been wondering what we were going to do when school was out - think this just solved that problem). Thanks guys for that suggestion..