Hello. I think I posted a while back. I'm typically going through about two cycles a year, although I seem to have gotten off easy the last time around. However, I'm paying for it now. 1 a night, usually about 2 hours.

Anyway, what I wanted to bring up is something that really gets to me during an attack. I notice that when I'm doing the dance, there is ALWAYS some thought that is running through my head. Sometimes it is a song, a line from a movie. One time it was the letter K. I find that whatever the one thought is seems to be the source of the pain. During a really bad attack, I almost start to hallucinate from the pain and I feel like if I can get rid of the thought, I can get rid of the pain. The night the letter K was the culprit, I literally had to sing the alphabet about two hundred times, each time skipping the letter K until the pain stopped and I fell asleep. The more the thought pops up, the higher the pain seems to get.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone have a thought, image, quote, song, etc. that gets stuck in their head during an attack? Last night it was part of a book I was reading. It really drives me nuts, even more so because it sounds so insane. I was trying to explain it to a friend who seems to sort of understand my pain, but the more I talked about it, the crazier I sounded. It's really depressing.

Thanks for reading. I think I'll be hanging around a lot these next few weeks. I think tonight is going to be another big one...

I don't think you're nuts.

I believe Bob has a point about it being some sort of coping mechanism.  The same sort of thing has happened to me during the course of a severe, long-lasting attack--repetitive and obsessive thoughts on a seemingly endless loop. 

I suppose it's possible that it may have some sort of physiological basis, but what that might be, I have not the slightest idea.

But this stuff happens when a person is thrashing around with one for an hour or two, just surviving.  Are you using oxygen or some other effective abortive to kill your individual attacks?  If not--then it's time to take charge, and stop them in their tracks.

The first time the thing melts away to nothing in a few minutes after treating it with oxygen therapy or another abortive will change your outlook, and your whole life.  It's a game-changer.

Trust me on this.

Best wishes,

George

everyone responds to high levels of pain differently

I kind of know the feeling, I always feel like if I could just crack my neck in the right way the pain would suddenly stop....

I typed faster than I thought!

You can change these thinking patterns with some practice:

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The only sound answer I've come up with to that one is:

Why NOT me?

Linda_Howell wrote on May 8^th, 2011 at 6:56pm:

I met him when I was the dead guy.

             Potter

He kicked you back down here huh. 

Brew wrote on May 8^th, 2011 at 6:43pm:


And that is truly the right answer.

Jimi wrote on May 8^th, 2011 at 7:25pm:

  Kicked would be up.  I was pushed.

         Potter

 

[quote author=quote]its def enough to make some people question the existence of god [/quote]

I've been chronic since 1987.  Not once have I questioned the existance of God.  Not once. [/quote]

Yea.... I suppose its more of a fake questioning of god,

as if in my own immature way, a manner of lashing out against god....

Becuase there isnt much else you can do when lashing out at god if that makes any sense.   

But deep in my heart I dont question the existence of god, but question god's motives or plan at least with respect to my CH and other terrible things...

With respect to me, I am not Job, I dont know if I could take an iota of what he took....

also, yknow how when people talk about good things coming from terrible things, often people are hurt/killed etc.. so that the good can occur, and I think its often little comfort to them

Also gonna take a moment to apologize to anyone I have offended, particularly potter, if I have lashed out recently or been.... no excuses but its just that the beast combined with other stresses and CH magnifying them... has gotten to me... I am resolving to not do such things....

Joshl924 wrote on May 9^th, 2011 at 9:17pm:


I've been chronic since 1987.  Not once have I questioned the existance of God.  Not once. [/quote]

Yea.... I suppose its more of a fake questioning of god,

as if in my own immature way, a manner of lashing out against god....

Becuase there isnt much else you can do when lashing out at god if that makes any sense.   

But deep in my heart I dont question the existence of god, but question god's motives or plan at least with respect to my CH and other terrible things...

With respect to me, I am not Job, I dont know if I could take an iota of what he took....

also, yknow how when people talk about good things coming from terrible things, often people are hurt/killed etc.. so that the good can occur, and I think its often little comfort to them

Also gonna take a moment to apologize to anyone I have offended, particularly potter, if I have lashed out recently or been.... no excuses but its just that the beast combined with other stresses and CH magnifying them... has gotten to me... I am resolving to not do such things.... [/quote]

Josh, well written, and I do understand the existential questioning to which pain gives rise.  Let's put pain into a proper perspective, by realizing we can react/respond to it in 3 general ways:

1.  We can become bitter and resentful when pain and suffering come because we believe such things should not, or do not, happen to right thinking, right living people.  This is of course not only faulty reasoning, it is deeply disturbing to our sense of worth and well being.  Pain is no respector of belief or ideology. Pain is a product of living in a world where suffering is a possibility. To resent what is, is itself a form of madness. I don't care how careful a thinker one may be, if a 2000lb car introduces its weight and mass on you, your body will respond appropriately and predictably. Pain is not only possible it is a virtual certainty while we remain alive.

2. We can pretend pain does not exist in some well intentioned but ultimately fruitless attempt to make it go away. "Pain is an illusion...pain is an illusion..." is a mantra designed to separate us from our source of personal suffering. Pain is not an illusion, it is a natural response to something our body does not want.  Ignoring it only exacerbates the problem and can prevent us from finding a way to deal with its source.

3.  We can accept pain as it is intended: a warning signal that we must begin to pay attention to our body.  A cut, a fracture, a fever, and yes, even a CH attack, are all signals that something isn't working the way it ought.  Pain is a fact of life regardless of its origin.  Same with CHs. Our job is to pay attention to it, and to deal with it as best we can.  That task is made immeasurably easier with this site.

Why did God create a world in which pain was possible? That's a different question.  I would suggest there are only three possible alternatives:

1. create us in such a way so we could not feel pain, but to do so would have severely limited our ability to know pain's extreme opposite, pleasure. Our human capacity for pleasure is directly and antithetically opposite our ability to feel pain. Take pain reducing narcotics and you also shorten or eliminate your body's response to all stimuli, not just pain receptors. Not much of a life worth living.

2.  create a world in which pain is not possible, but that is a description of a padded cell and a body wrapped in soft gauze so we could not hurt ourselves no matter how hard we tried. This is what they wanted to do to my autistic daughter, and I realized love would not allow us to accept either solution 1 or 2.  It is not loving to reduce a human being to such a vegetative existence.

3.  Realize pain is potentially redemptive.  In other words, use pain as it was intended-a warning sign. Address the pain as we were meant to do-diagnostically. Attack the source of pain as best we can in order to alleviate the symptoms-we're not there yet with CHs but this method has caused us to find lots of redemptive cures-antibiotics, pain abortives, advanced surgical and diagnostic techniques...all a product of observing the human condition with an eye to alleviating or mitigating suffering.

God is in the details, and is on our side. That is my firm belief although I realize it is not shared universally. Questioning everything while in extreme pain is not only understandable it is expected. It is only surfeit from pain and a return to a state of "normalcy" that allows us to step back and take an objective look at things. That's why need each other. I can't do that when it hurts so bad, but maybe you can do that for me. And I for you.

Blessings. lance

wimsey1 wrote on May 11^th, 2011 at 8:34am:


Wonderful post, Lance!

In my work with people at the end of life, we discuss alot of these issues...