I tend to lead a very structured life with planned out days/nights and the TORTURE of my DRAGON often prohibits me from keeping on schedule due to unpredictable interruptions. No doubt I am depressed!
These past 4 & 1/2 months in cycle i've lost countless fun opportunities with my 11 yr old son "watching from the sidelines" instead of actively participating. I've also lost my girlfriend of 4 yrs, my job, patience, motivation and general optimistic upbeat attitude. In fact i've went from being a sociable extrovert "life of the party" type guy to a lonely irritable introvert.
This has been the worst cycle I recall in 32 yrs of CH's. Maybe a 6 yr remission is the reason for me feeling tremendous depression as I thought CH's had finally become a living nightmare of my past and on 8/6th I got a "rogue hit" that started it all again.
The DRAGON has drained me physically, emotionally, and financially. However, thanks to a documented log of attacks, i've had a bit more control this past month as I am able to plan around my known "scheduled attack times" and this has provided me better control of my life, thus less depression.
Hopefully i'm nearing the end of my cycle and believe I am as my recently increased Verapamil dosage has finally provided a few good nights of sleep and better productivity during the mornings and days. My head is still clenched tightly from the DRAGON's CLAWS, but am in much better control compared to what i've endured these past several months, thus less depression.
The ole saying "misery loves company" is proven true for me this cycle and believe in one creating a self-prophecy as to what direction one will lead their life. "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice." I try my best to always think optimistically, however this cycle the "domino effect" and "Murphy's Law" went hand in hand triggered by my DRAGON.
On the last week of each year I sit down with pen/paper and scrutinize the past 52 weeks. Critically evaluating myself of good times/bad times and make resolutions to better the upcoming New Year and future. Next week will be no different except I must add to my New Year Resolutions list (1) positive strategies to get out of my depressed thinking mode, (2) better understanding of my CH's for present/future, (3) more quality time with my son, (4) secure a job and (5) eventually find another woman. These 5 resolutions were not on last years list. But because the DRAGON forced his way into my 2011, these 5 resolutions must be at the top of my 2012 resolutions list.
Wishing all here at Clusterville Season's Greetings with minimal/no depression, PFDAN, a Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas and Wishing everybody at CH.com less pain w/ more productivity in their lives in 2012.

-Gregg in Las Vegas