I saw this quote on Facebook and found it pretty profound. When I find myself in the doldrums, I think about it and it helps pull me through.

Let me tell you something that you already know---
Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows------
Its a very mean and cruel place------
I don't care how strong you are-----
It will beat you to your knees and keep you ther permanetly if YOU let it.


When I saw this, it made me think immediately about CH's.
During attacks its hard for anyone to remain positive, especially when you are constantly getting K10's.
When I read here that people have been suffering CH's here for 20 years and more, it just makes me say "wow how in the hell did they do it?". I realize that most of the time (atleast I hope for their sake) is spent in remission. I understand that treatments make them somewhat tolerable, but still having to live this lifestyle makes happiness a difficult chore. I won't lie, I find myself depressed a lot, but it depends on my cycle. One thing that really wrecks me and I try to avoid at all cost.....not letting my 4 year old son see me getting hit. My last real "monster" he came into my "isolation zone" and I took a peek at him (as he was rubbing my arm) and the look he gave me was crushing. He had this troubled and concerned , for my well-being, look on his face. Then the next thing he said was more painful than his look. He said "Daddy I know it hurts, but it will be ok....I promise. Can I get you a band aid?" (He thinks that band aid cure everything). Keep in mind that I was getting hit by a K10 and he been there for about 45 min. Through it all I told him yes......and he came back with an Angry Birds band aid and put it on the back of my head. This was the first time ever that I even let anyone in the room with me when I'm dealing with the beast, much less touch me. But his face paint with concern and him trying to cure me lifted my spirits. I really try to look for positive things when I'm in this condition, but rarely do I find it. I remeber that day when he approached me in my closet he had tippy-toed in there, as to not disturb me. I guess I looked horrible. When I opened my eyes, I was just about to go out of the closet, but the look on his face really got to me. It was even more powerful than the beast.

Sorry this was so long. I was writing that quote and this story came to mind, and I just wanted to share it with everyone. Even in the midst of an attack, beautiful thing canstill shine light into the abyss.

Well said, Mike. 

Tim, you have to make a choice about CH.  Either you become a victim, or you recognize it as a malady that you suffer with, but life is not made up of the malady.  It is only an intrusion.  Yes, it is painful.  More painful in fact than anything else I've suffered.  It is said to be the most painful medical issue, but I can't say for sure since I have not tried all of the others.  I don't try to compare, but to deal with the issues I've been dealt and make my life as positive and productive as I can.  Has CH destroyed a measure of my productivity?  Absolutely!  Does that mean I should give up and become a victim?  Absolutely not!  My life is what I make of it, and it is, as I said earlier, a choice.  I choose to live my life around CH and care for my family, my job, my church, and my relationship with God.  (Not necessarily in that order)  In the long run of things I have to say that CH has been a major blessing in my life!  If it were not for CH I would not have met these wonderful people on this board who have enriched my life immeasurably.  I would not give that up for anything!

About 11 or 12 years ago when I first went chronic (after over 20yrs episodic) I was in a terrible state.  I always tried to be out of site when being hit, but often after a bad bout of it I would come out of my "hole" and my daughter would come give me a hug, often crying.  One day she took a little notepad and drew me a picture of me sitting in my LazyBoy crying and her sitting in the corner of the room crying.  That just about tore me up!  I carried it in my wallet for years, and somehow lost it a couple of years ago.  I wish I had it back!  In the long run though, CH has created in her a very caring compassionate person who wants to go into nursing to alleviate pain and suffering for as many people as she can.  She wants to specialize in Alzheimer's care because many of those people have no one to care for them. 

I know it sounds odd, but I have to say in all honesty that CH has been a real blessing in my life.  It is not one I would choose, but it is one that God has allowed into my life and I'm grateful for it.

Jerry