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LasVegas

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Episodic CH since 11 yrs
old, now 50.

Posts: 2020
north of the 60th parallel
Gender: male

self fulfilling prophecy
Feb 10^th, 2013 at 8:02pm

So I was sitting at lunch today with my mom and a few others who were visiting from out of town and the subject of my job situation came up.

I stated that I would prefer to get back into self employment opposed to working for somebody else. One of my several reasons I stated I would prefer self employment is due to my medical condition of CH's that I anticipate will return this August/Sep. If I were self employed, then I could pre-arrange somebody else to handle the business for me, opposed to getting fired or FMLA, embarrassment among co-workers, etc.

My mom stated "it sounds like you want the CH's to return in Aug/Sep and that you may very well get your CH's because it is a self fulfilling prophecy."

I said to her "I know my cycles are every other year, on odd years, in the Fall, starting Aug/Sep, left sided and have suffered for the past 32 years, with the exception of a 6 yr remission. It is not a self fulfilling prophecy and nothing that I can think to stop it from happening will make it stop, just as nothing I can think it to start, will make it start. It is your lack of education on this disease I suffer from that has you speaking such ignorant words."

Of course I am viewed as the bad son that could not just keep his mouth shut and agree with my mothers stupid fuckin comment.

And when my next cycle occurs, I am sure she will remind me of today's lunch conversation with "I told you so, it was a self fulfilling prophecy."

I hate ignorant people, family or not! Angry

-Gregg in Las Vegas

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« Last Edit: Feb 10^th, 2013 at 11:28pm by LasVegas »

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AussieBrian CH.com Hall of Famer Offline CH - It's all in your head! Posts: 3851 Cairns, Qld, Australia Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #1 - Feb 10^th, 2013 at 8:11pm I reckon you should skip this year's episode out of spite. That'll learn her.
Back to top	My name is Brian. I'm a ClusterHead and I'm here to help. Email me anytime at briandinkum@yahoo.com IP Logged

LasVegas CH.com Sponsor Offline Episodic CH since 11 yrs old, now 50. Posts: 2020 north of the 60th parallel Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #2 - Feb 10^th, 2013 at 8:17pm AussieBrian wrote on Feb 10^th, 2013 at 8:11pm: I reckon you should skip this year's episode out of spite. That'll learn her. I was THINKING the same thing -Gregg in Las Vegas
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catlind CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Surf's Up! Posts: 4536 Weaverville NC Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #3 - Feb 11^th, 2013 at 8:50am There are several medical papers and abstracts that state very plainly that CH is one of the conditions that has never shown any evidence, anecdotal or otherwise, to have been affected in anyway by placebo or nocebo. Want I should dig out a few for your Mom? cat
Back to top	A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough Who is John Galt? IP Logged

Melissa CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't give up! Posts: 7238 Central WI, USA Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #4 - Feb 11^th, 2013 at 9:04am Oh man Gregg, I am so sorry! Nothing is the worse than ignorant family members, especially immediate family members.
Back to top	Diseases can be our spiritual flat tires - disruptions in our lives that seem to be disasters at the time but end by redirecting our lives in a meaningful way. ~Bernie S. Siegel IP Logged

Linda_Howell CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Do not feed the Moderators Posts: 11927 Santa Maria, Ca. Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #5 - Feb 11^th, 2013 at 12:34pm Has your Mom known that you have had CH for the last 32 yrs., or is this a newer revelation for her ? If she's known all along, there is no excuse for her comment. If it's new to her, then maybe it would behoove you to educate her and forgive her ignorance. Just a thought Gregg.
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LasVegas

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Episodic CH since 11 yrs
old, now 50.

Posts: 2020
north of the 60th parallel
Gender: male

Re: self fulfilling prophecy
Reply #6 - Feb 11^th, 2013 at 1:59pm

@Cat, yes please! I would very much appreciate a reputable source/third party to shed some light on the ignorant sitting in the dark.

@Melissa, thank you for your empathy. That is really what I feel needed right now and knew this would be the place where others like me would understand and comfort me. I feel emotionally horrible about this conversation.

@Linda, She is well aware of what I have gone through since her little boy at age 11 began suffering for no apparent reason/many misdiagnosis. I moved away from her home at age 13 (due to behavioral issues attributed from CH's) and have not reside with her since. However, I have kept in contact weekly my entire life, attempted to educate her verbally by telephone, gave her this website address as reference, etc; yet she obviously has chosen to form her own opinion that this is "all in the head."

I am so very emotionally torn by her ignorant comment of our argumentative conversation. Does she really believe she knows more than me about CH's? Ugggh! Angry

-Gregg in Las Vegas

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Brew CH.com Sponsor CH.com Alumnus Offline Posts: 14163	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #7 - Feb 11^th, 2013 at 2:05pm Quote: Does she really believe she knows more than me about CH's? No, you're her son and she wants you not to be in pain. Her "solution" is the simplest one to understand (in her own head, that is).
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tachead CH.com Junior Offline I Love CH.com! Posts: 93	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #8 - Feb 12^th, 2013 at 10:50pm Rule#1..Mom is always right... Rule#2..If Mom is wrong refer to rule#1 The self fulfilling part was laid in front of you by her statment. Its a woman thing. Gotta love her.
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Brew CH.com Sponsor CH.com Alumnus Offline Posts: 14163	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #9 - Feb 12^th, 2013 at 11:25pm When it comes down to the essence of it, try to be more compassionate toward her ignorance than she is toward your condition. Take the high road while trying to educate her. In other words, do what you can to nurture the relationship if you can - we only get one mom.
Back to top	"I have been asked if I have changed in these past 25 years. No, I am the same. Only more so." --Ayn Rand IP Logged

LasVegas

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Episodic CH since 11 yrs
old, now 50.

Posts: 2020
north of the 60th parallel
Gender: male

Re: self fulfilling prophecy
Reply #10 - Feb 12^th, 2013 at 11:39pm

Very well said Brew. Wink

Unfortunately with my mom, hearsay is third party diarrhea of the mouth; regardless of the source. So I can't wait to see supporting medical literature/evidence provided if anybody here has something credible to share. That is the only way my mom and/or other typical ignorant people are effectively taught.

-Gregg in Las Vegas

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AussieBrian

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Re: self fulfilling prophecy
Reply #11 - Feb 12^th, 2013 at 11:57pm

Hey Gregg, a nice deep breath and take the time to re-read "Dopiest responses to CH" on the Specific board.

Whenever that emotional avalanche threatens, I get great re-assurance from that one thread knowing there's a big bad world out there, but I'm forever safe within my little family here at ch.com.

Full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes!

Got beer?

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My name is Brian. I'm a ClusterHead and I'm here to help. Email me anytime at briandinkum@yahoo.com

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wimsey1

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Re: self fulfilling prophecy
Reply #12 - Feb 13^th, 2013 at 8:46am

Gregg, I get your frustration. I have this person I see regularly who is certain I can chase away CHs simply by having a positive outlook on life. But she's also a big fan of Norman Vincent Peale. Like the others who have posted, I don't think your mom will either accept or be thankful of your attempt to "educate" her. If you still feel you must try, then remember...she's your mom, and for all her faults, she probably does love you. God bless. lance

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Charlie CH.com Alumnus Offline Happy to be here Posts: 18971 Jamestown, NY Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #13 - Feb 13^th, 2013 at 3:12pm It's taken us a long time to get most of our doctors and other medical types and places to sorta understand that this is different. It's really not entirely possible but her looking around here can't hurt. Norman Vincent Peale... There's a blast from the past... Charlie
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seaworthy CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Posts: 706	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #14 - Feb 13^th, 2013 at 7:31pm She's your mother. Just let it go.
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catlind

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Re: self fulfilling prophecy
Reply #15 - Feb 14^th, 2013 at 2:48pm

Unfortunately, mother's can be, and are, wrong sometimes. Of course I much prefer the times I was wrong and things turned out right, but when I was wrong about Alex (my oldest) believing he could not have CH, that it was only migraines, it ended with the high school calling us in because they'd had to do a suicide intervention. A mothers denial of her child's nightmare pain isn't always something that one can 'just let go'.

Cat

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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

If yer gonna be stupid, ya gotta be tough

Who is John Galt?

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seaworthy CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Posts: 706	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #16 - Feb 14^th, 2013 at 7:35pm Quote: A mothers denial of her child's nightmare pain isn't always something that one can 'just let go'. I dont think we are talking about a child here.
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Jimi CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Don't feed the moderators Posts: 4925 Madisonville, KY Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #17 - Feb 14^th, 2013 at 9:39pm My mother asked me just the other day if I was still having my migraines. I said, No mom....it has been a few years since I had my last one. She said, thats nice son. I just smiled.
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seaworthy CH.com Hall of Famer Offline Posts: 706	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #18 - Feb 16^th, 2013 at 10:08am Quote: My mother asked me just the other day if I was still having my migraines. I said, No mom....it has been a few years since I had my last one. She said, thats nice son. I just smiled. In my world that is the perfect response to mom's question.
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LasVegas CH.com Sponsor Offline Episodic CH since 11 yrs old, now 50. Posts: 2020 north of the 60th parallel Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #19 - Feb 17^th, 2013 at 11:28pm What's great about this thread is that we are all much better off than we thought, as nobody can provide any medical neurological literature whatsoever to prove that our CH disease is not psychological. So maybe my mom is right and we can all just wish it away. -Gregg in Las Vegas
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catlind CH.com Moderator CH.com Alumnus Offline Surf's Up! Posts: 4536 Weaverville NC Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #20 - Feb 18^th, 2013 at 8:19am It's all in our heads Still searching - everything I'm finding online is in regards to meds, not the condition itself sigh
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BobG

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Re: self fulfilling prophecy
Reply #21 - Feb 18^th, 2013 at 12:27pm

Hey Gregg, I know this string is 'self fulfilling prophecy' and I think 'power of suggestion' plays well with it.

You remember when we last met for coffee? While on the subject of CH you ask me if I get the cluster bump or neck pain during/after an attack. I told you no I'd never experienced it in all of my 35+ years of CH.

Well, about 2 weeks later I started getting the neck pain along with the attacks. And every attack since.

Thanks for the suggestion. I really needed another place to put the ice pack. I owe you one. Wink

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Stay stressed. Never relax. Never sleep. Ever.

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LasVegas CH.com Sponsor Offline Episodic CH since 11 yrs old, now 50. Posts: 2020 north of the 60th parallel Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #22 - Feb 18^th, 2013 at 1:47pm Sorry BobG, Maybe I should've asked you if your home in St. George was built on an old gold or silver mine. Off to the SportsBook with everything I own... -Gregg in Las Vegas
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jess-MTL CH.com Junior Offline Episodic sufferer Posts: 59 x0\|Montreal\|Canada\|\|0\|0\| Gender:	Re: self fulfilling prophecy Reply #23 - Feb 22^nd, 2013 at 10:48pm AussieBrian wrote on Feb 10^th, 2013 at 8:11pm: I reckon you should skip this year's episode out of spite. That'll learn her. This answer made me spit my tea all over my screen! I think it's really the way to go!
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