" I cant speak for Chris but for me, I swing between being overly supportive and doing everything in my power to help, to sometimes even resentful and frustrated. Then I feel guilty and selfish etc etc."
Sadly, this is the consequence of trying to accept his responsibility. Love and concern does not give you control: only he can decide to drink or not, to seek medical care, or not, and so on.
It appears that the best move you both could make is to find a good headache specialist to work out an effective treatment plan--which your husband will have make work.
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LOCATING HEADACHE SPECIALIST
1. Yellow Pages phone book: look for "Headache Clinics" in the M.D. section and look under "neurologist" where some docs will list speciality areas of practice.
2. Call your hospital/medical center. They often have an office to assist in finding a physician. You may have to ask for the social worker/patient advocate.
3. Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!! You need to

or

; On-line screen to find a physician.
4. Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!! You need to

or

Look for "Physician Finder" search box. They will send a list of M.D.s for your state.I suggest using this source for several reasons: first, we have read several messages from people who, even seeing neurologists, are unhappy with the quality of care and ATTITUDES they have encountered; second, the clinical director of the Jefferson (Philadelphia) Headache Clinic said, in late 1999, that upwards of 40%+ of U.S. doctors have poor training in treating headache and/or hold attitudes about headache ("hysterical female disorder") which block them from sympathetic and effective work with the patient; third, it's necessary to find a doctor who has experience, skill, and a set of attitudes which give hope of success. This is the best method I know of to find such a physician.
5. Multimedia File Viewing and Clickable Links are available for Registered Members only!! You need to

or

NEW certification program for "Headache Medicine" by the United Council for Neurologic Subspecialties, an independent, non-profit, professional medical organization.
Since this is a new program, the initial listing is limited and so it should be checked each time you have an interest in locating a headache doctor.