Lets face it English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don‘t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn‘t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn‘t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn‘t a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends

This is Victor Borge who has much to say about English -

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Hi Maz,
After 18hrs getting home on a aeroplane, i was'nt sure
if i was up or under.

Hoppy.

Hi Maz,
Wow, looks like one great adventure.It's a pity your not
comeing to Perth, but being the most isolated city on
the planet, us Sandgropers fully understand.Yes it's a
pity it costs an arm and leg, when heading for the old
dart or comeing down under, you may be lucky and find
a large Opal when in Coober Pedy . Should be fun
catching up with Brian in Cairns .
Wishing you a great holiday.

Hoppy.

one of our language professors wanted us to practice speaking, and the topic was "how to make love".

in arabic, making love means what used to be called courting in american english, then calling on a girl, then going steady, and now going out or "dating".
making love is, of course, a euphemism for sex.

apparently, in his ten years as a arabic language teacher, nobody had ever bothered to explain this to him.
that was the first time saw a Sudanese man blush.