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Hi!
First off, I am a life-long sufferer of migraines. They are by far not the worst, but the nausea, light sensitivity and the fact I'm unable to move without increasing all the baddies (pain, nausea) together with the frequency of them can sometimes be very debilitating. Although I practically grew up with them, I guess at some point in my life I was ready to make a pact with the devil to make them stop. Yeah, migraines are bad, tiresome, and weakened my joy in life.
But, you know, I was used of them and after my teenage years I learned to adapt to them. Still angry my migraines sometimes make me unable to do everything I want, when I want, but I've learned to say no to certain triggers.
When I was 23, just moved in with my boyfriend, however, a new pain just suddenly announced its way into my life. It didn't creep into my life, it just slammed a door open and stated, very clearly and not be missed, that it was there. I praise myself lucky I have the best boyfriend ever, because we had been living together for one month when it happened. The first time, in January, it woke me up, in the middle of the night, like "HEY! Remember that right jaw you have? I'll make it HURT!". It didn't tell me then why it wanted to hurt me, or how long the pain was going to last. I screamed and cried in agony. I had never had a tooth ache before (not saying I have the best dental hygiene or the healthiest teeth, but I only once had dental ache prior to this and that was with my wisdom teeth). I thought it was just dental issues, me needing to urgently see a dentist and that I was a whiny crybaby for not handling it like the average adult.
I sheduled an appointment with the dentist, but all throughout the day, my jaw region felt sore. I don't remember how quickly I was able to see my dentist, but I remember she filled up every little hole I had, while the pains at night continued and got worse, attack by attack. Every evening and night I'd cry, plead my life, hoping that my atheist lifestyle was all wrong and I could make a pact with the devil to stop this pain. I'd run around, hit everything on my way, hit my own jaw, time and time again. I'd rock back and forth like a mental patient, hoping I was a mental patient and none of this was real and that all I had to do was realize this wasn't real. If the pain feels out of this world, it can't be real and I had to have gone mental, right?
Although my dentist was already at this point at a loss (all my teeth on the right side were now perfectly A-ok again and she started on my left side), I kept on hoping it was just a tooth. Maybe she'd see it the next appointment? Who only knew?
Coming March-April, I had issues with my right ear, too much noise and I heard nothing at all from that ear. As I also had issues with my right nostril being clogged, I went to see my GP, who noticed I had an eardrum infection and one-sided sinusitis. I hoped I had finally found the pain: Must have been the sinusinfection, right? I mean, my nostril, come to think of it, had been clogged now for a while, but with all the headbanging and pleading for my life and boxes of ineffective painkillers, I just hadn't really take note of it. He prescribed me corticosteroids and eucalyptic steambaths. For the first time in nearly four months, the pain subsided. It was still there, but the pain attacks were less. After I'd run out of corticosteroids, the pain started again, so I obviously went back to my GP who, without hesitation, refilled my prescription and sent me to an ENT-doctor.
The ENT-doctor, because I mostly complained of jaw issues, instantly sent me off to the jaw surgeon. Apparently I had a misalignment as well of my jaw and lo' and behold, the jaw surgeon instantly found the "issue": The disk in my right jaw had moved and therefor, I had TMJ. He told me to continue with the hot/cold stuff I'd done the last 5 (!) months now, gave me a gel with diclofenac and told me to not overstrain my jaw. Well, it seemed reasonable it was of "overstraining my jaw". Remember, I had just moved in with my boyfriend? (It honestly became a running gag within my family and friends...)
Soon after, the pain went away. I felt relief. The surgeon was a Saint for telling me what the issue was and had sent me off to a way to fix and prevent further pains! This was June 2010...
I've had similar attacks happen to me again, though. But I ended always blaming myself, for straining my jaw, not having a good pillow, or thinking it was a sinusinfection (why oh why I started to wonder, do I ALWAYS have issues with my sinus if I have the pain?). The first six months was the longest period of attacks, but by far not the most painful. It's currently been over a year since I last had issues, but I had come to accept the TMJ-diagnosis and every recurrent attack as a fault I did. I had had a cold and it was my sinus (I was "clearly imagining that the pain was the same as with my jaw"), it was my pillow, I had eaten too large sandwiches, or stress, how I blamed stress and probably I grind my teeth at night, I mean, I must? Although my boyfriend has never heard me do it and my teeth show zero signs of grinding, I must really grind and clench and whatnot. Despite that I learned techniques not to clench, I must still clench! Whatever...
So, I was sure of the diagnosis, until yesterday, when I for the first time saw a video of a patient with cluster headache going through an attack. What can I say? I cried. I saw myself laying there, banging my head, moaning, groaning, giving up, hating life, hating my head, pleading and begging, kicking air and twisting in agony. It was not just a random guy there, on that bed. It became me, for so many evenings and nights.
Reading up on cluster headaches, the only difference, really, the only difference I can find is the fact my pain originates from my jaw. Now, if it is in fact TMJ, then it appears I have at least some control over my pain and I'd be so happy to hear that. But if the pain starts again, I don't want to waste my time on that again, I want to know if I'd do a good thing looking into cluster headaches first. Trust me, I don't want it if it means I'll go to through that pain -- you can't even call it pain, it's beyond the point of pain! -- again and again.
So, I've tried to look into sufferers of cluster headaches where the pain originates in the jaw, but I find it extremely hard to find information about it and, quite frankly, seeing that video yesterday was very tiresome, because it took me back to that darkness. Are there others here for whom it originates in their jaw? (It sometimes also feels to be originating from my ear as well)
Love,
Me
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