Thanks guys! Inspirational words there.

I just wish there was a break from pain, I have a headache 100% of the time, morning to night ranging from 5-10 but usually in high range. And it's worse every week, so the situation is beyond hopeless.

I went for a 15 min walk yesterday and it killed me, I was exhausted after. I used to go to the gym, play sports, walk 10 miles a weekend, have a relationship, a promising career. Now I sit in a room at my parents' house, imprisoned and desperately finding ways to use up time, despite the face I have limited concentration and memory ability, desperately trying to eat, since I have little appetite, all while fighting off the slowly building depressive, suicidal breakdown which is I don't think I can hold back forever.

There's little chance that these aspects of a conventional, happy, secure life will ever exist again, since the pain is continually spreading further around the head, more and more severe, as if there is something growing in there. Eventually I'll be confined to hospital I'm sure of it.

I still have some hope but any treatment has usually worked so far, temporarily for a few months, then of course the headaches are worse again. Surgery would likely only work temporarily based on current disease progression.

I am totally screwed but am sort of at peace with it, I would never hurt myself (for now anyway), just destined to carry on with this crazy hyper emotional state, wanting to sleep and wanting to punch walls all at the same time, every day, without any respite. I don't even notice a low-medium level headache anymore, just have the exhausted, depressed, brain-dead feeling. Then I'm like 'oh, there's pain there!'.

Thank you for reading if anyone got to the end. It's cathartic writing it somewhere.

Once I have some money next week I will get straight on the vitamin D regime and let you know how it goes.