Posted by DJ on May 01, 1999 at 21:51:59:
"DJ I will go away in a heart beat if you really mean that. Let me know right here, you dont need an e-mail address."
No Lee! I DON'T really mean it!
I would like to apologize to all of you for my post last night/this morning. Especially to you Lee.
The last month of my life has seemed like years. At first, it was all of the emotion (pain, anger, regret, resentment, content, blah, blah) at once, and it was almost overwhelming. Now it seems that each emotion gets it's own day. One day the "emotion of the day" is anger. The next day, the "emotion of the day" is pain. The next day, it's something different. You get my point. I've taken some very positive steps forward lately, but that doesn't mean that I won't have my steps backwards. Last night was one of those steps backwards.
The lows aren't as low as they used to be, and the highs are higher than they've been in a while. I know in my heart that I'm on the right track.
I had some plans last night that ended up "falling through". To make a long story short, I ended up sitting here by myself on a Friday night in an empty house in a bad mood. Anony's posts made me feel alot of the same things that I'm going through with Kelly, and I reacted to it. I am not sorry for the reaction, but I do apologize for making it public.
As I talked to drummer on the phone yesterday, I really realized that this site is so much more than just a place to come and post a message about the physical pain we feel. We are an "family" in more ways than just physical pain. We have become an emotional family. Right now, I need to share my feelings with my family. It would be so easy to do, but I refuse to give up.
I'm sorry :-)