Posted by Nancy on May 02, 1999 at 13:03:28:
VIRUS HUMOR
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re -attaches
it. (But that part will never work again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too
much for the AT&T virus.
SPRINT VIRUS: Every three minutes, you hear a pin drop out of your
machine.
YUGOSLAVIA VIRUS: Almost immediately fragments into several autonomous
parts. Then it violently tries to reassemble itself for the next 150
years.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
warns you of impending hard disk attack--once if by LAN, twice if by
C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead
refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how
old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see
a counselor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole damn thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be
back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Goes into your spellchecker and updates the word
"Potato"
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to
be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin
of error).
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the
problem.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Tries to have you removed as the rightful owner
of the computer, even though everybody else wants you to be the owner.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs;
only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up,
then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on
expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new
files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a
286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in
the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars,
it's programmer will take it back.