Posted by Carl D on May 15, 1999 at 19:03:54:
In Reply to: I just want to die!!!! posted by Bernadette R. on May 14, 1999 at 13:31:24:
I am beginning to believe this thing (Cluster headaches) is a demon. Looking at it in this way, I have to ask myself "Am I gonna let the devil win?" Bernadette, you have alot to live for. Think of your daughter. It would be harder for her to not have her mother than for her to see her mother in pain. This is a hard dilemma, Although I don't have any children, It's hard for me to give this advice. It is probably hard for her to understand what is happening to you (As none of us really know what is freaking our bodies out), but I am sure it would be much harder for her to understand why mommy went away. Most cluster headache patients, once diagnosed, can be treated and function like a normal human being. I was a functioning CH sufferer until 15 months ago when I became a chronic sufferer. I know the feeling of wanting to end it all, but you will find no peace in taking your own life. I know it is rough, and sometimes you think the headache itself will kill you, I understand. I have lost almost everything I own (I will walk the streets homeless with my jackson guitar), and the CH's have robbed my life of alot of it's potential, but I'll be DAMNED if I let the devil win. You will find people who truly understand and care here, and when you are hurting emotionally from the baggage of pain, you can unload on any of us. We understand. This is hell on earth, but if we band together, we might be able to figure out what the real CAUSE of these headaches are, and possibly a cure. I have lost everything, BUT I HAVE MYSELF. They cant take that away. Please, Don't let them take it from you. Been a CH'er for 12 years, since I was 17, But am finding I am much stronger than I (or anyone else) ever believed. I pray that you will find indeed how strong you really are. I came close to giving in just a couple of weeks ago : no sleep and alot of pain can brink you to the brink, but only you can pull yourself back. Get it set in your mind right now " I'M NOT GONNA LET THE DEVIL WIN".
Hope you decide to hang in there, there is help!