Humor time

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Posted by Todd ( on July 09, 1999 at 21:22:12:

Never trust a dog to watch your food. Patrick, Age 10
When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Matthew, Age 12
Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Rocky, Age 9
Don't flush the toilet when your dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10
Don't ever be too full for dessert. Kelly, Age 10
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Heather, Age 16
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, Age 13 Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. Hank, Age 12
Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. Chelsey, Age 7
Never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13
Forget the cake, go for the icing. Cynthia, Age 8
A man didn't get home from a trip until 2am on the night of a terrific storm. He found his kids asleep with his wife, scared by the storm. He resigned himself to sleeping in the guest bedroom. The next morning he talked to the kids and told them it was OK to sleep with mom during a storm, but when he was due to come home, that they please don't. A few weeks later his wife and kids picked him up at the airport. His son came running into his arms and very loudly so ALL of the other deplaning passengers could hear, "Dad -- GOOD news! NO ONE slept with Mommy while you were away THIS time!"

And one that only CH’rs can truly understand!!!!!
This fellow had been suffering from excruciating headaches for some time, and finally went to a doctor. After a thorough exam, the physician called the fellow into his office and said, "Well, I'm not exactly sure what is causing your headaches, but we've found a cure for them: you'll have to be castrated." The man, needless to say, was taken aback, and told his doctor that he believed he would try to bear the pain. But as time went on, the headaches only got worse, and finally, the poor fellow was driven back to the doctor. "All right, I guess I'll have the operation," he said. When it was all over, the man was understandably depressed, and his physician told him, "I recommend you begin life anew. Start over from this point." So the man decided to take the advice and went to a men's shop for a new set of clothes. The proprietor said, Starting with the suit, looks like you take about a 38-regular." "That's right", exclaimed the man, "How'd you know?" "Well, when you've been in the business as long as I have, you get pretty good at sizing a man up", replied the salesman. "Now, for a shirt, looks like about a 15 long." "Right again," the man said. The proprietor suggested, "And for undershorts, I'd say a size 36." "There's your first mistake", the man said, "I've worn 34's for years." "No, you're a size 36 if I've ever seen one", said the owner. The man replied, "I ought to know what size undershorts I wear, and I'll take 34." The owner replied, "Well all right, if you insist, but they're going to pinch your testicles and give you headaches!!"

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