Posted by Linda B (208.30.90.53) on July 31, 1999 at 19:53:22:
In the last couple moth`s I have only had one #10. I have had several 4-5. Alway`s a 1-2. But now I`m at a 0. I might every once in awhile get a 1. This is coming more rarer every day.
Here of late I have noticed my Cluster`s have seemed to come to a hault. Why they desided to leave me alone I do not know. Even the shadow world as desided to leave me alone. I will never say I`m cured.
For that would only be a dream. I well never leave the board. I know the pain and suffering other`s on here go through on a daily bases. I understand some need a punching bag. Some just want you to listen to their rambling. Other`s need a kind word an a shoulder to cry on. I could never walk away from that.
While my cluster stay gone I`ll live life to it fullest. I will consul,counsel,write,yell,scream,hold,love and be there for anyone that need`s me or even those that dont.
I understand why some say "I shouldnt be here I dont have them anymore" or "I`ve been gone for awhile an now their back"
I think this come`s with alot of quilt. You know your not in pain anymore and you know the one`s still coming to the board are. It can make some feel very uncomfortable helpless and almost ashamed that your free of this thing they call Cluster`s and the love one`s on the board are still fighting it.
The way I see it I know what their like for I have live with them for 25 year`s. Now it`s time for me to jump on the supporter`s side. Not saying at anytime this will change an I will be back on the Cluster side. We all know to well an have read to many story`s to count out them coming back
We still are many. Each day the number climb`s more.
Each day we use this board as are shield to try to hide or out smart these thing they call Cluster`s
HUGE HUG to all.....Even you drummer. A man I can call friend. Peace has been made. I still say will clash we both have such strong opinion`s an stubburness. This is only some of are great feature`s. I`m giving you a complement drummer I hope you take it in the way is was meant.
It is true I go with my heart. Sometime`s I jump into fighting mode when I see another hurt. This is who I am. This well never change.
In closing I pray all of use will never suffer from this thing called Cluster.
HUG`S to each an everyone of you.
I shall pray for you. I hope your night an day`s or PAIN FREE one`s.
My last an first I dream is they do find a cure for this thing the call Cluster`s.
Linda