Posted by Todd (63.10.29.58) on August 04, 1999 at 18:26:02:
In Reply to: I Am So Frustrated Right Now! posted by jen on August 04, 1999 at 14:41:48:
Put your head on my shoulder and cry as long as you need to, jen. When you're finished, I'll toss in my two cents worth.
Ready? Okay, we''ll just dab those last few tears off you check with a tissue and then sit down to chat for a bit.
I agree and disagree with the things others have posted in reply to your vent and request for help. No, you can't 'truly' understand the pain, frustration and anger that a cluster causes unless you've had them. But we've got plenty of supporters here who understand as well as a non-cluster probably can. I get the feeling that you're rapidly reaching, if not already there, despite you brief experience.
I do think depression (on Brian's part) is a concern. I can't believe you'd discuss the things you have while he is actually under attack. The cluster I know get mad during an attack, but the anger stops just about as suddenly as the attack does. So, Brian's anger stems from another source.
Here's my suggestion-next time he's calm and painfree, tell him that his reaction to your suggestions and efforts hurts your feelings. You're concerned that there may be other underlaying causes for the anger and inappropriate behavior. Ask him to see a doctor for a full physical and then a therapist, for a psych evaluation. If he says it isn't worth it, yadda yadda, tell him it isn't about curing the clusters. It's about saving your relationship. So, Brian, is Jen worth a physical and evaluation?
If he still says no, then you need to break it off and move on with your life. (See Elaine's post).
And if you need to talk with a male cluster who's female non-supporter exhibited most all of Brian's behavior, just email or call me.
KTSSU,
T