Posted by Dave W (12.10.85.65) on August 18, 1999 at 15:41:47:
Group,
I have given in to unrelenting pressure from the many who have e-mailed today, and am publishing this list before completing my research. As such, some of the category descriptions are based on anecdotal (rather than scientific) evidence, and I have also used data from other researchers around the office. I reserve the right to alter this report should continuing research invalidate any of my conclusions.
Being of the "Y-chromosome" gender, this list is based solely on the male perspective. We need a volunteer or two from the opposite side to produce an equivalent for females (I nominate Cathy & Claudette).
Here, in decreasing order of intensity, is my take on the male sexual ecstasy scale:
10. The EXQUISITE orgasm -- the ultimate pressure release, the emotional equivalent of passing one thousand gallons of peanut butter through a basketball needle in one minute. (By far the most common male climax).
9. The HEY!!! orgasm -- same as a "10" but at the climactic moment she over-zealously tries the new scrotum-yank technique that she read about in "Cosmo" last night. Outstanding even so!
8. The WHO? orgasm -- same as a "9" plus she screams out your best buddy's name in her own throes of ecstasy. Outstanding anyway!
7. The OH SH**! orgasm -- same as an "8" plus the driver in front of you slams on his brakes for a red light at just the wrong time. Outstanding nonetheless!
6. The HI THERE! orgasm -- same as a "7" plus a police car pulls up next to you at the red light. Still outstanding!
5. The PREDNISONE II orgasm -- something's definitely not right, could be a slipped timing belt, but it was still outstanding!
4. The PREDNISONE I orgasm -- same as a "5" plus excruciating foot cramps at the crucial moment, but outstanding even through the pain!
3. The DOUBLE-VALIUM orgasm -- outstanding as always, but you don't really care!
2. The LIDOCAINE orgasm -- mistook the tube of Ora-Jel for the tube of K-Y in the dark, but numbingly outstanding even so!
1. The WHATWAZZAT? orgasm -- too much Old Crow and Vicodin, not sure what just happened but absolutely sure it was outstanding!
Best wishes for a Pain Free Day!
Dave