Posted by cujo (209.214.201.154) on August 28, 1999 at 22:54:57:
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The dishes pile up.... but the sex is the same !
Whats the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
About 45 minutes!
Whats the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
About 45 lbs
How do you get your wife from out of in front of the TV
Go to the kitchen and shorten the chain
The Right Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a
little town. One day eh was walking down Main Street and he happpened to
notice one of the female members of his contregation sitting at the bar
of one of the saloons, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was
sinful and he should do something to help a member of his congregation.
So he walked into the bar and sat down next to the woman. "Mrs.
Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly, "this is no place for a member of
my church. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Ok, shure," she said
with a slur, obviously very drunk. As
Mrs. Fitzgerald and the
reverend stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The
reverend grabbed hold of her arms to steady her, but when he did, they
both lost their balance and fell to the floor, with the reverend lying on
top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The
bartender hearing the commotion looks over the bar and says, "Here, her,
buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar.!
The
reverend looked up and said, "You don't understand. I'm Pastor Fuzz."
To which the bartender nodded and said, "Well, okay if you're that far
you might as well finish."
Whats a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme
What do men and floor tiles have in common ?
If you lay them right , you can walk over them for life
Why is it so hard for women to find sensitive , caring and good looking men?
Because those men already have boyfriends
A 75-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a
sample tomorrow."
The next day the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives
him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like
this...First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my
left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with
her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still
nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands
and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the
DAMN jar open!"