Posted by Linda B (208.30.90.119) on September 13, 1999 at 13:43:24:
After seveal month`s with no CH it`s back. I feel I have let you all down. First I felt bad because I was not hurting an everyone else was. Just didnt seem fair to me. Your support and backing did make me feel so much better. Now it`s came back. Now I feel I have let you down again. I`m embarsed, ashamed and mad.
I dread the night again. It`s a race to try to sleep before the sun come`s up. Praying I will. Knowing I wont. Foggie day`s of pain an hurt. I`m sitting at an 8 1/2 and the "Why me?" Is in full bloom. Why my children?
It seem`s so unfair that my children must go through this again. They are good kid`s. Hell the are GREAT kid`s. Why must they have a mother like this? They deseve so much better.
The shadow world doesnt look to bad right now. Depression an madness sitting in. Lord I hate this. Seem`s after 24 year`s of chronic one would be use to this. The truth is NO one ever get`s use to this.
I still want to thank those that sent e-mail,called, ICQed etc.......
Nancy your more than just my best friend. Your caring an love does brighten this gloomie day. Thank you Vg O gi na li. I love you more than my word`s will ever be able to express.
Time to pace and wonder what am I missing? What am I doing wrong? WHY WHY WHY???
Hope all your day`s are pain free. Sadly we are many. Grateful I`m not alone.
Many Hug`s to all of you Linda B